I am 52 (!)  and I am a functioning, even high functioning, alcoholic. I have a full time, successful, fulfilling career; I have three sons, aged 18, 14 and 11  and two beautiful border collies. But I’m still an alcoholic.

I have drunk for almost all of my adult life; through triumphs, tragedies, success and failure; when I have been happy and relaxed, and when I have been stressed. Wine has been my constant companion.

Now I need to stop, because I am no longer in control. I have tried for many years to “moderate’ my drinking, in almost every conceivable way.  At last I accept defeat.

I can see life without alcohol, I lived it for almost eight months in 2013/14. What I, as yet, can’t imagine is life not wanting to drink alcohol.

That’s where I need to get to…. and this blog is my record of that journey …

As my sobriety has lengthened there have been a number of consequences, some foreseen, some not. The blog has moved from a struggle to stay sober, to a record of my new, developing life as an adult who doesn’t drink.

Please comment on my blog – and leave my links to yours. The support I have received in the last weeks via the internet has been amazing. You can reach me at


Thanks Lily 🌷x


Five hundred days

Today is my 500th day of continuous sobriety. As long as I don’t drink today (and I won’t) I will have completed 500 whole days without one drop of alcohol at midnight tonight. My sober sister and I were reminiscing  last week about how slow the early days go, how the 19 days between us … Continue reading

A nice day

I wanted to write this yesterday really, but yesterday was just too much again. On Wednesday I met up with my Sober Sister. We met, as I have previously said over the internet, and she lives about 100 miles from me. It seems ridiculous given how well I feel I know her, and she me, … Continue reading

Domestic abuse

I don’t like the term Domestic violence. It implies that unless someone hits you, punches you or pulls your hair, its not “real”. I prefer the term domestic abuse. It covers the whole variety of horrible things that go on behind closed doors , in families, between people who live together in intimate relationships,  that damage … Continue reading


Ok. I’m making a lot of progress. I’ve been in therapy for almost a year and I cannot express strongly enough how much this has helped me; supported me; ‘held’ me when I have been desperate and gently/ kindly reflected my feeling back at me enabling me to question assumptions and beliefs that have been … Continue reading

A story

Some time ago – about 7 years ago, I met a man. At the time he seemed like everything I could want. He was handsome, charming, kind, thoughtful, strong emotionally, and interested in my children. He listened to me , was gentle with my emotional state, cooked for me, made me laugh and cherished me. … Continue reading

An absence of misery

My life is ticking along. I have quite a lot of stressful things. My eldest son, my younger dog ( currently away for residential retraining at astronomical expense) my middle son, finances, my lovely friends J & K still battling with terminal illness, how busy I am etc. A lot of the time I’m exhausted A … Continue reading


It’s been a tough week.  Ive spend most of this weekend just incapacitated with inertia and fatigue. I’m just tired.  Last week was very full of heightened emotion. I felt like raw , naked and so so vulnerable. I had a panic attack in central London, struggled hugely to focus on Pretty much anything and … Continue reading