I am 52 (!)  and I am a functioning, even high functioning, alcoholic. I have a full time, successful, fulfilling career; I have three sons, aged 18, 14 and 11  and two beautiful border collies. But I’m still an alcoholic.

I have drunk for almost all of my adult life; through triumphs, tragedies, success and failure; when I have been happy and relaxed, and when I have been stressed. Wine has been my constant companion.

Now I need to stop, because I am no longer in control. I have tried for many years to “moderate’ my drinking, in almost every conceivable way.  At last I accept defeat.

I can see life without alcohol, I lived it for almost eight months in 2013/14. What I, as yet, can’t imagine is life not wanting to drink alcohol.

That’s where I need to get to…. and this blog is my record of that journey …

As my sobriety has lengthened there have been a number of consequences, some foreseen, some not. The blog has moved from a struggle to stay sober, to a record of my new, developing life as an adult who doesn’t drink.

Please comment on my blog – and leave my links to yours. The support I have received in the last weeks via the internet has been amazing. You can reach me at


Thanks Lily 🌷x



Dear friends I’ve been neglecting my blog. I’m sorry.  “Stuff” has been happening; and I have not been able to process it sufficiently to post coherently. I think that’s over now. I’m not drinking (and have not drunk) …. I will also not be having further contact of any kind with my ex Partner. That’s … Continue reading

And it passes…

401 days today. And a (much) better day today … I wish I could find some equilibrium. When the bad days (like yesterday) come, I’m as raw and as edgy as I was when newly sober. There is no balance, I cant make myself believe it will pass, I can’t be kind to myself with … Continue reading

400 days – four hundred ; FOUR HUNDRED BLASTED DAYS

I have now been completely sober for 400 days  The shine is really wearing off relentless sobriety, or perhaps ive not yet realised the full potential of being 100% “present Either way – this, THIS ….. is NOT what I was promised …  Indulge me: I’m sure I could write this the “other way” and … Continue reading


I have written in the last few weeks about how my ex partner makes me feel ‘safe’; several people have commented on this and asked me ‘why?’. My therapist picked this up and asked similar. What do I mean by ‘safe’, why is it important to me and why do I think he, pretty uniquely, … Continue reading

Dry Drunks

You know that person who doesn’t drink, but comments all the time on what you are drinking, inspects the wine bottle, suggest what you should order, tuts if you order another glass pf wine and speculates regularly about who has an alcohol problem? That’s a dry drunk… dry, but still thinking about it ALL THE … Continue reading

Self belief

My thoughts are all over the place so this will probably be a disjointed post there are several things in my head at the moment that I will just spill out… We don’t see ourselves as others see us. This is suddenly really obvious to me. Walking last weekend with K in the park, she … Continue reading

My sober sister

Today my sober sister celebrates her first year of continuous sobriety. She is just 19 days behind me, and made a wonderful, brave decision to stop drinking, and on March 30th last year she had her last alcoholic drink. I don’t want to ‘out’ her on the blog, but I want to write about what … Continue reading