I am (now) 53 (!) and I was a functioning, even high functioning, alcoholic. I have a full time, successful, fulfilling career; I have three sons, aged 19, 15 and 13 and a beautiful border collie. But I was still an alcoholic.
I drank for almost all of my adult life; through triumphs, tragedies, success and failure; when I have been happy and relaxed, and when I have been stressed. Wine had been my constant companion.
When I started this blog I needed to stop, because I was no longer in control. I tried for many years to “moderate’ my drinking, in almost every conceivable way. At last I accepted defeat.
I could see life without alcohol, I lived it for almost eight months in 2013/14. What I then couldn’t imagine, was life not wanting to drink alcohol.
That’s where I needed to get to…. and this blog is my record of that journey …
As my sobriety has lengthened there have been a number of consequences, some foreseen, some not. The blog has moved from a struggle to stay sober, to a record of my new, developing life as an adult who doesn’t drink.
I’m still sober – more than 500 days now, and the consequences have been seismic. I have recognised and dealt with the domestic abuse within my family, I have separated from the man I believed I would be with for life. I have been in a supportive but challenging therapeutic treatment for almost a year. I am learning and growing all the time. Some of this has been so painful I have been unable to write – hence some gaps in my blog. But I have not drunk. I have not returned to my longstanding crutch and blotted out the pain. No I have learned to live with it and accept that This is a process and in the end, I will be ok.
Another massive step forward. I have reached out to my friends, admitted I have been struggling – I have also attended AA. This has been a very positive decision for me, as the isolation was becoming crippling, painful and destructive. I hope that I will continue to grow now, using the resources available to me, and that a new and better phase of my life is properly underway
My blog is now about sobriety, but also about domestic abuse, debt, recovery, parenting and loss. Its deeply personal which is why at present I remain behind a pseudonym. It protects not only me, and my professional position, but also my children and others I mention.
One day, I will probably drop the pseudonym. Perhaps at 5 years sober ! Now there’s a goal !
Please comment on my blog – and leave my links to yours. The support I have received in the last months and years via the internet has been amazing. You can reach me at
Thanks Lily 🌷x