I am 52 (!) and I am a functioning, even high functioning, alcoholic. I have a full time, successful, fulfilling career; I have three sons, aged 18, 15 and 12 and two beautiful border collies. But I’m still an alcoholic.
I have drunk for almost all of my adult life; through triumphs, tragedies, success and failure; when I have been happy and relaxed, and when I have been stressed. Wine has been my constant companion.
Now I need to stop, because I am no longer in control. I have tried for many years to “moderate’ my drinking, in almost every conceivable way. At last I accept defeat.
I can see life without alcohol, I lived it for almost eight months in 2013/14. What I, as yet, can’t imagine is life not wanting to drink alcohol.
That’s where I need to get to…. and this blog is my record of that journey …
As my sobriety has lengthened there have been a number of consequences, some foreseen, some not. The blog has moved from a struggle to stay sober, to a record of my new, developing life as an adult who doesn’t drink.
I’m still sober – more than 500 days now, and the consequences have been seismic. I have recognised and dealt with the domestic abuse within my family, I have separated from the man I believed I would be with for life. I have been in a supportive but challenging therapeutic treatment for almost a year. I am learning and growing all the time. Some of this has been so painful I have been unable to write – hence some gaps in my blog. But I have not drunk. I have not returned to my longstanding crutch and blotted out the pain. No I have learned to live with it and accept that This is a process and in the end, I will be ok.
My blog is now about sobriety, but also about domestic abuse, debt, recovery, parenting and loss. Its deeply personal which is why at present I remain behind a pseudonym. It protects not only me, and my professional position, but also my children and others I mention.
One day, I will probably drop the pseudonym. Perhaps at 5 years sober ! Now theres a goal !
Please comment on my blog – and leave my links to yours. The support I have received in the last weeks via the internet has been amazing. You can reach me at
Thanks Lily 🌷x