Day 9

still here, still sober, still struggling.

i should be feeling great, but I have a cold, a sore throat and a pounding headache. I’m bone tired, red nosed and can’t be bothered to do anything that I should today.

instead I’ve spent the day reading other blogs, musing on posts, and rejoining Soberista’s (which I left when I started drinking again in June 2104)

fortunately my children are engaged with their own activities and my partner is out today – so it’s the fire, sofa and hot tea/ lemsip for me.

this is not the first time I have decided to stop drinking. It’s not the twentieth either. Most of my resolutions have been made at 3 am, sweaty and anxious following yet another heavy drinking session. Promises made to myself whilst I frantically try to recall the black spots in the evening; check the space next to me to make sure my partner is there – try to figure out if I behaved badly ?  Most of those promises never made it past the witching hour on Sunday lunchtime. After all I deserve a glass of wine for cooking the lunch ?

the one time I did take myself seriously, I stopped drinking  for 282 days. YUP, 282 days ….

And what I keep asking myself today is why, having done 282 days , did I think it was a good idea to start drinking again ?