the first time I stopped drinking I posted this on an Internet forum. It’s quite sad that nothing has really changed ….
My name is $$$ and I am very afraid that I have an alcohol problem. I am 47 and have been drinking heavily for at least 20 years. I would very much like to be alcohol free. I have tried many times to cut down, moderate, not drink alone, not drink on weekdays, not drink before 8pm – you name it I have tried to do it. Always I end up drinking too much.
Most weeks I think I drink about 60 units. Sometimes its more. I try to have one or two nights a week when I don’t drink – that works sometimes. I am too afraid to go to the doctor after some abnormal blood tests more than 2 years ago.
I manage ok day to day. I hold down a responsible job. I don’t miss work, I don’t not do anything. But I drink a bottle of wine most nights and struggle to remember things i have done/said. At weekends i sometimes start drinking at mid-day and will be pissed by 7pm. That’s not a good look for my children. The whole thing is unhealthy, a crap example and perhaps crucially completely out of my control.
SO why do I drink. I drink t cope with pressure. Pressure of work, financial problems, too much to do and no time, intermittent relationship problems,(my DH is also quite a heavy drinker but he is much bigger than me so its less obvious)
I hate it. I’m desperate to stop. I’m scared to stop. I’m scared to admit i cant stop. I love drinking. I need it, but its killing me.
Today is my third consecutive day without alcohol. That hasn’t happened since January. I cannot look forward beyond the next 1/2 hour right now. I have cup of tea and no alcohol in the house. I want to be sober. I want not to drink. I want to be free of the dreadful anxiety and fear that i have around alcohol. I want it not to be necessary to stop. But I know that it is.
I succeeded in being AF for some time following this – now I am ready to start again. This time I will succeed