You want to stop drinking. You get as far as having a few days AF. Your significant other/your friends get a bit tetchy about it, so you cave in (lets be honest, we never need (needed) much of an excuse) and get totally wellied, with all the guilt and other ramifications that go with it. The people that wanted you to drink in the first place now take great pleasure in telling you what an arse you made of yourself the night before.
Stop – rewind the tape and have a look at what you’re thinking here. You have a drink because other people want you to?? You’re killing yourself to keep other people happy?? Really?? That’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.(Nelson Mandela)
Being sober is my number one priority at the moment. I will put that need above other people’s expectations, social obligations, niceties, prior arrangements everything. At home, with my family I am confident I can resist the urge to drink; outside, in other company, not so much. So for now, I don’t put myself in positions where I feel uncomfortable, edgy or awkward.
Last night there was a school reunion. It’s 35 years since I have left school! There was a free bar – courtesy of one of my peers and the reunion was close to where I live now. I gave it a lot of thought as to whether I should go. Without alcohol I can feel socially awkward, anxious and edgy. It’s not a nice feeling. I weighed up how likely I was to feel like drinking, how easy it would be to resist and planned what I could drink, and how I could leave. In the end I met a couple of past friends in the afternoon for tea and cake, and the bolstered by that and knowing that at least one would be at the evening event , I attended. It was fine, no urges to drink – although I ate a lot of chips !
today is day 86, EIGHTY SIX ! and I had to think about that. I realise I have thought about drinking a lot less in the last few weeks. Initially when I decided to stop I honestly thought about drinking every 5 seconds for days, even at times I would never previously have thought of it. Now I don’t; most of yesterday passed without me thinking ‘I don’t drink’ or ” Yay I’m sober’ or “I need wine” . i have thought all those things, but not continuously… It’s a relief as I was finding the constant pre-occupation with alcohol exhausting….
So, small steps forward. I attended a social event I would have avoided like the plague a month ago, and sailed through. Being sober, not drinking, is beginning to feel ‘normal’, and my DP, who has previously been supportive but carried on drinking, has decided to take a break. Today is his day 5
Happy Sober Sunday xx