Today I am disgustingly excited
I have planned to do something entirely and completely for myself this afternoon. It is totally self indulgent and, dare I say it, vain. I’m not planing to tell ANYONE in real life.
The wish to do something
vain self caring, tells me that my self esteem is improving. When I have been drinking heavily I feel low, and don’t care about my appearance / clothing / grooming, beyond the basic cleanliness and ironed clothes. I will often not bother with make up, dress for comfort rather than elegance, and hide my figure (which is not THAT bad for 51) in a selection of unflattering baggy tops, skirts and trousers.
Yesterday I celebrated my 3 months soberversary. Not than anyone other than me was aware if it, and that is what I wanted. We had a big family lunch, with my partners children and mum as well as my kids. DP and I did not drink, and we had a wonderful, happy, family Sunday. My partner, who has also been a heavy drinker, completed 12 days AF yesterday, and has said that he feels better, is more focused, clearer and more motivated. Well, who knew ! From my perspective he is a lot less grumpy
(though he still snores). I’m hoping he will decide to continue AF, but I am saying very little and hoping the results speak for themselves…
Yesterdays lunch was a testament to how much fun can be had without alcohol. Pre March I would have started drinking on the stroke of 12. By the time the family arrived I would have been almost a bottle down, lunch would have been late
(er), and it is possible that an argument would have ensued – not caused by me, but by the alcohol consumed all around. This morning I would have been hungover, tired and depressed.
So, my positive mood today, my self caring treat booked for later (I’m actually a bit nervous) my smart clothes and shoes, my inner smile at the thought of a happy family lunch – all of these things have come about because I am sober. Today I am as close as I have ever been to not wanting to drink alcohol. Not denying myself, not resisting the urge, but choosing NOT to drink because my life is better without it.
This feels important, I want to box this feeling and hold it close – I’ll settle for sharing it with my lovely sober friends and thank you for your support