My steam cleaner has arrived. It is wonderful . No blogging from me yesterday as I was too busy blasting the dirt of ages from the grout , and steaming my ancient tiles to new brightness. 

It felt wonderful and satisfying on several levels. Firstly the purely practical – it was quick and effective. Contrary to the impression I may have given here , I am not some clean freak. I don’t like housework – regarding it as at best a necessary evil. It so often seems pointless. Expending a lot of time and energy making something clean when in this house it will be dirty again in 24 hours.  But … To have a machine which tackles grime in a few moments , which I have previously only been able to shift with a toothbrush and a lot of scrubbing (and have therefore not often bothered) is seriously great! 

Secondly, it felt very emotionally satisfying making the floor “like new” again. That probably sounds a bit bonkers, it is a bit bonkers , but that’s how it felt – deeply good, on an emotional level. I wonder if there is something about renewal and rebirth of my dirty kitchen floor that equates with my current journey from slightly grubby stained life that I was ashamed off, to the hope of a bright clean life I can feel proud off. 

That’s probably nonsense, perhaps an analogy too far- but nevertheless i enjoyed cleaning my kitchen floor with my new shiny expensive steam cleaner, and I felt good ; engaged And happy while I was doing it!

And this morning I have overslept- one morning in a whole 9 days off – and therefore missed what I intended to do. And the whole bloody cycle of blame and self criticism and anxiety that I won’t get everything done starts all over again .. 



  1. I love your blog and find you inspiring… so much of what you say I relate to. Close to 300 days here, getting easier but your blog really helps me and keeps me going as do your posts on another site where I lurk! Thank you.


    • Thank you Louise, you are very kind. I think it should be you inspiring me with your 300 days ! Come and post on that thread – we’re very friendly 🙂 lily 🌷 x


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