Day 124

Bleugh.

Thats it really. Tired. Ennui. Poor motivation. Disordered eating – binging on munchy seeds anyone ? This is probably the subject of another post. Substance abuse and eating disorders are linked right ?

have a million things to do. Can’t be bothered. House topsy turvey, dust from the builders in every corner of the house. Work not getting done efficiently. Finances in disarray – too anxious to look properly. Just feel like I can’t get a handle on anything properly. Can’t be bothered to paint or sketch

need to exercise, can’t be bothered. Can’t find anything I want to watch, can’t concentrate on anything meaningful to read. Bored, but also boring.

I hate this; I am sure this feeling is one I drank away. I feel I need a ‘hobby’ – but if I had one, I’m sure I’d be too fed up to do it anyway. All I feel up to is mindless internet surfing, which makes me feel even more crap.

Sorry. Should be seizing the day, not wallowing in self indulgent nonsense. I have NOTHING to be sad about… So why do I feel so miserable ?


13 comments

  1. I’ve heard that it takes our brain up to a year to fully heal from our alcoholism (the white matter, to be specific), and during that time we can be really topsy-turvy. At least you aren’t drinking to relieve it. Keep on keeping on! Take care.

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  2. Buy a karaoke machine! Singing relieves tension plus you can’t eat whilst you’re doing it for obvious reasons. It might even make you laugh. My singing makes me crack up. Just an idea!!

    Jokes aside – I know what you mean.. It’s tough sometimes having to face day to day reality without a break. I’m 139 days into sobriety today and I can’t say today was altogether not an easy one. I’m just back from an early Bastille day party (I live in France) and I’m positive that out of our whole local village I was the only one in the square not drinking. I’m doing okay though. This is how I roll from now on… Stay in the present moment. It’s all good

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  3. Bluuuugggghhhh I know that mood! Starts with can’t be bothered and ends with staring into space feeling like a failure because nothing is happening. It is just a mood though! Seriously, it’ll pass and then before you know it you’ll be making a papier-mâché bowl or mosaic frame. Hmmmm…. Not a bad idea! Try not to worry …

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  4. Hi Lily,

    This happens to me from time to time too. I think the best thing to do is embrace the bleug-ness. Let yourself be lazy. Don’t do anything at all. I’m not sure your weather situation. But maybe a nice nap outside on a warm breezy day? Fresh air usually works for me.
    If you don’t want to walk or exercise, sit on a bench and just people watch. Otherwise. Give yourself time to do just nothing. the crappiness can’t last forever. You’ll find a way out of it. 😉

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  5. Totally relate. You just got to sit it out and let it pass. I’m completely extreme with my feelings in that I think I’m bored and restless now it will be like this FOREVER and has been like this ever since I can remember. Usually lasts around 24 hours… Think it’s quite an alcoholic trait. Want it all right now.
    I’m getting better at learning that I should decide on one thing and focus on that. Pick up guitar. Or watch Netflix. Even if I don’t really watch it – but don’t flit from thing to thing and feel crap for doing nothing! I often take the food option tho :/ which never makes me feel better.
    Hope it passes quickly, for it will pass! Z

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