I’m writing this in Chinatown London between the two “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child” performances that I am enjoying  with son #2 today. I’m sure most, if not all,  of you will have at least heard of Harry Potter. The play which opened recently in London is delivered in two separate performances (part 1 and part 2) which can be seen on the same day or separately. As sons 1&3 are away, I have taken the opportunity to do something special with #2 , and spent a huge part of yesterday afternoon sourcing tickets.(The show is completely sold out until the end of the run in May 2017)

So here we are. The show was fantastic, and we are grabbing a coffee ….

One of the themes of the show is about “what might have been”. I won’t say much about the show at all – the plot lines have been extremely closely guarded –  but it has made me think. Like many people recovering from addictions, I have a lot of regrets. Things I have done, said, not done, neglected. There are many regrets for missed opportunities and seriously stupid decisions made. Not all of these were decisions when I was drunk, but they were all decisions taken when my self esteem was Rock bottom – at least partly as a result of drinking.

In the show, the “what might have been” is invariably worse than what actually is. And that’s a way that I don’t often look at things. When I’m blaming and criticising myself for decisions I made, I always imagine that the alternative would have been better.. That if I were not a woman unable to control my alcohol intake … I would have made better decisions, that would today see me in a better place than I am …

Maybe that’s not the case. Of course we will never know, but perhaps if I had done other things, taken different paths, things would NOT be better, but as in the show, quite a lot worse ….

Maybe this is an allegory I am meant to draw- to remind myself that I am lucky – blessed – and that things are as they are for a reason


  1. I really love the idea of this. Not because it feels better, but honestly, who knows what would have happened if we made one decision over another? I ultimately have been the kind of person that feels everything happens for a reason. Let’s just look at financial responsibility. I grew up middle class, but my father was a penny-pincher. We didn’t have much of anything. I hated my home life, so I moved out and was instantly poor. Like, barely able to buy groceries, getting government help to pay for utilities kind of poverty. I lived that way for a few years choosing NOT to accept any help. And when I was ready, I slowly started to work my way up. Better jobs. College. Masters degree. Now I own a business. Would I have appreciated where I am now if it was just handed to me? Not at all. Would I be good with money if I never knew what it was like to be without? Not a chance. Long story short, I really think we go through the things we do, no matter how long it takes us to get through them, for a reason. When we get there, we’ll be thankful for the journey that lead us there. —-
    You’re doing awesome. Keep it up and try not to regret past decisions and think more about how you’re so much better now. =)

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