In 12 days we are going on holiday. As previously mentioned Mr Lily and I are are going away with my two younger children, our friends J & K and their son.
I’m really looking forward to it.
BUT I am worried about my sobriety.That might sound a bit bonkers – I have 140 consecutive days of sobriety. I’m proud and pleased.
Why should I be worried ?
I’m worried because I KNOW ME
- I will be on HOLIDAY. I DRINK on holiday; everybody drinks on holiday, because it doesn’t matter if you have a headache or don’t get up till lunchtime, or drink at lunchtime, or exceed your weekly units in a single day..Units drunk on HOLIDAY don’t count. This is, and always has been, my expectation of a NORMAL holiday
- The other adults are ON HOLIDAY. Ditto the above.
- The last time I was sober (2014) I went on HOLIDAY (to the same place) And drank. A lot. And I couldn’t get sober again for 22 months
- Me not drinking might make Mr Lily, J and K feel uncomfortable drinking, which might spoil their holiday. which will make me feel GUILTY
- Mr Lily, J and K might drink a lot every night, and why not really…; I will feel bored, left out and frustrated, and irritable, these are all HUGE triggers
- I wont be able to access many / most of my AF substitutes
- I’m actually struggling a bit anyway… I’m tired and don’t feel well. I’m stressed and pretty anxious. I’m not CLOSE to “fuck it give me a
bottleglass of wine”, but I’m not THAT far off either. I’m an Alan’s Drink Con 3 I think.
What can I do? I absolutely KNOW that drinking would be a BAD idea. Lets get that out of the way first. I cannot have ‘just one’; and its not the one day’s drinking that scares me, it’s that I will drink again the next day, out of despair and disgust and shame. And before I know it I’ll be back to a bottle a day and have to go though all this again – or worse I wont be ABLE to get sober again.
And NOT going is not an option.
My ideas so far ….
- I will share with Mr Lily, and he has already said hes not intending to drink much.
- I will send some Seedlip in a parcel ahead of us..
- Also some sketching stuff, which will occupy my hands if others are drinking
- Load up the Kindle – although that could be sen as antisocial
- pack my yoga kit
Any other ideas sober friends? I’m really quite anxious about whether I can manage this…