Holiday – how to cope…?

In 12 days we are going on holiday. As previously mentioned Mr Lily and I are are going away with my two younger children, our friends J & K and their son.

I’m really looking forward to it.

BUT I am worried about my sobriety.That might sound a bit bonkers – I have 140 consecutive days of sobriety. I’m proud and pleased.

Why should I be worried ?

I’m worried because I KNOW ME

  • I will be on HOLIDAY. I DRINK on holiday; everybody drinks on holiday, because it doesn’t matter if you have a headache or don’t get up till lunchtime, or drink at lunchtime, or exceed your weekly units in a single day..Units drunk on HOLIDAY don’t count. This is, and always has been, my expectation of a NORMAL holiday
  • The other adults are ON HOLIDAY. Ditto the above.
  • The last time I was sober (2014) I went on HOLIDAY (to the same place) And drank. A lot. And I couldn’t get sober again for 22 months
  • Me not drinking might make Mr Lily, J and K feel uncomfortable drinking, which might spoil their holiday. which will make me feel GUILTY
  • Mr Lily, J and K might drink a lot every night, and why not really…; I will feel bored, left out and frustrated, and irritable, these are all HUGE triggers
  • I wont be able to access many / most of my AF substitutes
  • I’m actually struggling a bit anyway… I’m tired and don’t feel well. I’m stressed and pretty anxious. I’m not CLOSE to “fuck it give me a bottle glass of wine”, but I’m not THAT far off either. I’m an Alan’s Drink Con 3 I think.

What can I do? I absolutely KNOW that drinking would be a BAD idea. Lets get that out of the way first. I cannot have ‘just one’; and its not the one day’s drinking that scares me, it’s that I will drink again the next day, out of despair and disgust and shame. And before I know it I’ll be back to a bottle a day and have to go though all this again – or worse I wont be ABLE to get sober again.

And NOT going is not an option.

My ideas so far ….

  • I will share with Mr Lily, and he has already said hes not intending to drink much.
  • I will send some Seedlip in a parcel ahead of us..
  • Also some sketching stuff, which will occupy my hands if others are drinking
  • Load up the Kindle – although that could be sen as antisocial
  • pack my yoga kit

Any other ideas sober friends? I’m really quite anxious about whether I can manage this…


14 comments

  1. First thing, you ARE NOT responsible for how others feel about their vacation, you, and your actions. Accepting, understanding and believing this will be the KEY to your sobriety over the holiday.
    Secondly, I read and retreated by myself this last vacation to keep sober…. And I wasn’t even around others

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    • drinking alcohol. At first I felt odd, but my sobriety is the most important thing if I’m going to be the best for the people I love.

      Lastly, everybody you’re going to be with loves you. They will understand.

      Okay, so here’s some things :
      Camera to practice photography, playing cards for solitaire or games with friends, recipe book if there is a kitchen, yoga DVD, really cool nail polish, nice bath stuff to take a long bath, journal.
      Hope that helps a little!

      Liked by 3 people

  2. It’s things like this that have always set me back. I feel responsible for everyone’s happiness. That’s one of the things we really have to stop if we’re going to look after our own wellbeing. It is really hard though.
    Think of all the extra lovely morning hours you’ll be able to enjoy with your kids, feeling well enough to enjoy the holiday together x

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  3. Oh man. So I totally feel for you here. Especially since the previous holiday set you back a long time. I’m the same way with all of your stated reasons to drink on holiday.

    And I haven’t done it yet, so this is coming from my experience of dealing with lots of drinkers around me on weekends. And what I think I will do when I go on vacation.

    Remind yourself of why your sober. Maybe print out an early post of how crappy you felt hungover or in the withdrawal stage. Read it when you need a reality check. You could just stuff it in a boom so no one knows.

    Wake up early and go for a walk to the sun rise.

    Understand that everyone else will be drinking and don’t let it bother you if they feel weird. That’s on them.

    Special NA drinks is a given. But maybe some special rewards too? Spa day? Cake? Something every single day to say how awesome you are for making it thru sober.

    Try a new experience, tour, adventure.

    Let yourself retreat to a book when you need to. Just say your deeply attached to the story and can’t get enough of it. 🙂

    Best of luck

    Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for understanding, and for that great list of tips. I think if I can make it through the first couple of days I will feel stronger. The idea of a daily, meaningful, sober treat is great – and I will plan to get up early and great the day… Thanks again 💐 lily 🌷

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  4. I recently went on holiday and it was hard. Probably the hardest thing I have done so far in this sobriety thing. Things that helped me
    1. Asking for mocktails when eating out. Most bar tenders were very obliging and very creative.
    2. Nice snacks at night whilst my hubby drank in front of me. He drank I ate.
    3. Walking on the beach instead of drinking.
    4. Remembering that the sober you is the friend they probably first met and the one they know better. Drinking never did and never will make you a better friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I have my first sober holiday in 2 weeks and have very mixed feelings about it – it’s a bit of a make or break but I am determined it won’t be the latter. I am going to take my Nutribullet with me. It’s an important part of my routine and it’s also key to my self care. I am also going to take some audio books on my phone – I have a subscription to audible as one of my sober treats.

    I usually take my bathroom scales on holiday which I know is ridiculous so I might try and leave those this time ?

    Tori x

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  6. You have a great opportunity to show your friends, and you, that it is possible to be sober and happy. Plan to get caught up in their energy. Plan to let loose and be just as silly. You can even dance on a table top if you want. The great part is you can do all this AND get up early to take pics of the beautiful sunrise if you want. I’ve found that people only feel like you’ve ruined their time (drinking or not) if you’re pensive and standoffish. Join in on the fun, leave the hangover! Xo

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  7. Hi Lily – I was also very apprehensive at the prospect of my first sober holiday even though I was nearly two years sober at that point. I blogged about what I learnt on the holiday here if that’s of any help – https://takinganewpath.wordpress.com/2015/10/29/brass-rubbing-for-beginners-part-1/

    in summary I would recommend giving yourself generous helpings of alone time, self-compassion and whatever delicious food you like. (advice I need to prescribe to myself on a regular basis whether or not I am on holiday!)

    have a smashing time and let us know how you get on, yes?! Prim xx

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