What does a woman who loves herself do?

  • The last few days have been emotionally very tough. In truth  they have been the culmination of months of increasing anxiety, stress, and frustration. As I realised at the weekend, I was being made thoroughly miserable by the behavior of two people; and I had no control whatsoever over it. As I know very well you cannot MAKE people change, or do any thing except change ones own reaction to it.

    It made me start thinking about behaviors I have observed in emotionally string people; people I admire. Behaviors an attitudes I would like to try to adopt. Strong, mature , sorted women, who look great , well dressed to suit their figure, women who look well groomed and have a well organised productive fulfilling life….

    In some literatures I’ve seen this described as  “a woman who loves herself” and that’s the  image I’m trying to think of …

    Strong women move on. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves, holding grudges, dissecting imainary slights. they look at whats happened, learn from it and MOVE ON. They accept responsibility for their errors.

    I think Im quite good at accepting responsibility for my behaviour. Probably less good at moving on

    • They embrace change. They welcome challenges, they adapt and change. They have a ‘can do’ attitude rather than moaning ab0ut what they have lost.

    I do find change challenging and some times cling on to the familiar

    • They stay positive . They don’t complain about problem. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control. They focus on the bits that CAN be controlled and work with that.

    im getting much better at this. I don’t waste energy ftretting about the weather for example; I make contingency plans if required

    Strong women who love themselves are kind, fair, and unafraid to give their opinion. They don’t worry about pleasing other people. They stick up for they bullied, and they stand up to be counted. They dont seek conflict but don’t avoid it either.

    I admire this quality greatly and I am working towards it. personally I HATE conflict . I hate challenging people even what I know they have not behaved well.Not drinking has helped me here as I am able to tate my position less emotionally, more calmly and factually.

    • They are willing to take calculated risks. They weigh the risks and benefits before taking action.

    I can do this. Actually I do it every single day at work and part of my role is supporting and mentoring those who can’t.

    • They accept full responsibility for their past behaviour. They don’t make the same mistake over and over.

    hmmm – took me a long time, but I don’t drink any more

    Im sure there are more. But it help me to look,at where I need to work on my attitudes and behaviours,

    tomorrow we go on holiday . All looks like it’s going ahead.i am looking forward to it very much. I am anxious for my sobriety, but I have my sober toolbox , and 152 sober days behind Me…


  1. Enjoy your holiday, stay focused, you’ll do it! And love yourself, I’m going to start loving me too!!
    I’m now 11 days in, keeping head strong & focused on the end goal – healthier, more in control & able to deal with daily life head on!
    Love your posts, so glad I found this – it’s helps me massively

    Liked by 1 person

  2. To me, a person who loves themselves is someone who is not only in touch with who they are, but are comfortable with who they are. Not to be confused with being selfish, this person knows what is right for them and is willing to stick to that-without all of the guilt and BS that many people experience when standing up for what they feel is important or acting in a way that is right for them. I also think that because they love themselves, it is easier for them to love others in a healthy, functional way-without having to have a transference of their needs involved. Because they are comfortable in their own skin. Yes they do all of the physical things-watch their diet, exercise, dress well, moderate their alcohol intake-but it goes much deeper than that. I know many women/people that do all of the above, who don’t love themselves.
    I think you are well on the way!
    Have a great trip! Enjoy those early morning beach walks!


  3. Sober holidays are fabulous! A little scarier sometimes, a little more effort emotionally, but a whole lot better!!

    I think there is a major step in the loving yourself process that gets missed out a lot. Accepting yourself. Accepting the skin and body you were born in. Accepting that as a human you have limits, in work, personal life – energy, emotions, etc. And all that is okay.
    That doing things for yourself isn’t selfish, or even a big deal. (learning more about co dependency has been a HUGE positive mental change for me.)

    Accepting who and what you are, making changes in the areas you don’t like so much, but not in an obsessive ‘when I become this I will be better/happier.’

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