Sun, Sea, Sand and Sobriety

I’m very happy in my island paradise. I love it here. I’ve been coming here on and off since I was a very young child with my parents. I had a few years break as a young woman, and them began bringing my own children.

This island is tiny; 2 miles long and 1 wide. It’s gorgeous in every way, (www.tresco.co.uk if anyone is interested) For a tiny island, there is a lot todo. Today we hired a motor boat and island hopped, sunbathing, shell collecting, sketching, paddling and navigating between destinations. My friend J is better than we could have hoped, and enjoying the holiday.

After the initial testing experiences, it’s been easy enough to stay sober; I’m so conscious of how much I have ‘grown’ in the last 5 months, that I really don’t want to lose that, or disrupt my journey in any way.

I’ve been very physically active here – inevitable in someways on an island with no cars ! But I have been running and cycling more than I had to, and enjoyed the endorphin burst from that – I’m hoping to keep it up when I return home.

Ive crept off for a little down time, I’m realising that I am actually quite an introvert and I need time to myself. I love being with my family and friends, but I do need space alone to recharge.

In our travels today, we revisited a beach where an incident occurred that marked the end of my marriage, That was 9 years ago. We had travelled, similar to today to a beach on a neighbouring island. My children were, at that time, 8, 5, and 2. We parked the boat on a beach and walked to the islands hotel for lunch. My the husband was being utterly obnoxious and was clearly off his head on something or other (I don’t know if I mentioned before that he is / was a drug addict). After a difficult lunch we walked back to where the boat was beached. The tide had come up and the boat had floated about 30 m off shore and was stuck on a rocky outcrop, inaccessible except my swimming. Clearly my husband was not going to swim out to the boat, so I asked him to mind our children on the beach. Bear in mind the youngest was 2 years old. He refused to do so and told me to “Look after your own f***ing kids”.

so I explained to my eight year old son that he had to be responsible for his younger brothers on the beach, whilst Mummy swam to get the boat. I swam out, had to dive several times to uncoil the anchor rope, and dragged to boat into the shore, whilst he lay on the beach tripping on something and our children ran around, totally unsupervised by any adult.

i never forgave him for that. And he never apologised. He now says he has forgotten all about it.

i haven’t forgotten, and I doubt I ever will.

Being there today, I realised I have forgiven him. I will never forget, and I will never have respect for him again, but I am no longer angry. Rather I feel quite sorry for him that his addiction was so complete that he could put his children at risk like that and that his “need to be smashed” was so great he could put his wife in such a difficult position. But I’m sad now, not angry any longer, and I know that I will never do such a thing, because I got off the train before I reached that station.

I’m lucky. And I’m counting my blessings.

 

 

 


8 comments

  1. It’s such a profound thing when we can forgive others for the things they did to hurt us so deeply. After a long time of being angry with my ex-husband for the way he treated me at the end of our marriage, I finally realized that forgiving him wasn’t something I was doing for him – it was for me, and my own peace of mind. Forgiving him wouldn’t condone his actions or imply that his hurtful words were somehow okay, but it would allow me to say, “I trusted you and loved you, you did something that hurt me deeply, but you’re human and you have your own issues, and I forgive you. I’ve moved on.”

    Anyway, so glad you’re having such a lovely time now. Enjoy the rest of your holiday!

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  2. You are an inspiration You should be so proud yourself and what a wonderful mother you are. Have a brilliant holiday and God Bless You. Big Hug.

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  3. It looks gorgeous there, it’s hard to believe it’s in the UK. I understand totally about the need for some alone time – I grow fangs and claws if I don’t get a good bit of isolation every day. Enjoy the rest of your holiday 🙂 x

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