Do you remember the first wobbly days of sobriety ?
I remember clinging on, hour by hour – sometimes in blocks of 5 minutes at a time, holding on to the thought that alcohol was harming me, and that I had to get away from it. I remember feeling raw, as though my skin was rubbed with sandpaper all over. As though each nerve ending was super sensitive. I had no equilibrium, and no idea how to manage trigger points without alcohol. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t look past that day.
That’s where I am now.
And although there have been so many good times with exP, and he’s not ‘bad’ for me like alcohol. I’m not sure he’s that good for my family either.
Today I have hoovered up an enormous cobweb. I have seen my mother. I have arranged for new keys to be cut. Now I HAVE to answer a few emails. Later son 1 and 3 will come home, the Internet food order will arrive so I can feed them.
And that is all I can do. That’s it. But it’s probably OK, enough. For another day.