Therapist

today I went to meet a potential therapist. This is the second. I didn’t feel comfortable with the first and was quite anxious about meeting this one. I pick quite carefully, as there are plenty to choose from. I wanted a woman, of my sort of age or older, someone with quite a few years  under their belt (doctors are notoriously dreadful patients) someone who has maybe treated health professionals before. I wanted someone who works, or has worked within the NHS because the training and supervision is very good. I wanted someone warm I could talk to.

This lady, I think it’s ok to call her by her name, Angela, was astute, and in 5 minutes she had grasped that what I need right now is validation that I have made the right choice about exP, and emotional support to not waver.

I need an astute therapist, one who can hear not only what I do say, but what I don’t.

She was also kind. And gentle. I liked her, and she helped me.

I will go again on Friday and then probably weekly.

I have achieved NOTHING else today, but I think that’s ok, and in 1/2 hour I WILL take son No3 to the theatre in London for the treat I have been promising him.

It’s day 5 today, if Friday was day 1 and bar a small altercation on the doorstep this morning I have avoided direct contact with ExP. I need to do this or he  will talk me round as he has done so after before …

Baby steps.

 


12 comments

  1. It seems like you’ve found a potential great person to talk with. That is a great first baby step. Just being open to help is a great step.
    I wanted to send this to you yesterday as I thought of you immediately. Do you follow Danielle LaPorte? I’m not an affiliate at all. I probably should be because I love her work so much. But this email really resonated with me and I thought it might be a bit helpful for you. So I apologize for the long response and feel free to delete if you don’t like it, but I’ll post the link at the bottom:

    “Are you hanging by a thread?
    It’s hard. It’s wrenching. It’s incredibly painful and it’s difficult to feel lightness.

    Or to see clearly.

    Hanging by a thread can be really disorienting. What you’re going through undeniably sucks.

    Listen to me: It’s going to be okay. You’re going to get through this. You can do it. Baby, you ARE doing it.

    You’re getting through this. Right now your cells are plumping up and your heart is beating and you have your breath. *In breath. Out breath.* It’s really okay if you have to get that basic about getting through it.

    In breath, out breath. Sun’s gonna rise. It’s going to be okay.

    Take encouragement from strangers. Like me. Go ahead. Take it. It’s free and I don’t feel karmically entangled. So listen to me: It’s going to be okay.

    This will not kill you.

    Do you believe in angels? If you don’t, just believe in them for the next twenty fours. There are a hundred thousand angels by your side.

    You’re probably feeling devastatingly alone, like an iceberg drifting. No one can hear you cracking. It’s cold. But, just like an iceberg, you have so much beneath the surface. Years of layers and lifetimes of experience and strengths to call on — skills of expanding consciousness that you didn’t even know you had. You will not sink.

    People have been through what you’re going through right now. Thousands of them.

    Really and truly. Your picture of heartbreak, your strain of pain is part of the human fabric, and that tapestry is holding you like an Eskimo blanket. Other people have survived this and when they got out of the hole, they left a morphogenic popcorn trail out of the pain. You can trace their steps.

    It may be hard to believe right now, but not only will it be okay, not only will you get through and over this, you will thrive again. You will be clear and vibrant and INCREDIBLE.

    You will not only have more character to pull out at parties and wisdom to offer the world, but you will feel more joy than you think is possible right now.

    You will.

    You may walk with a limp. You may wince when you look back (understandable) you may cry unexpectedly in the book store, but you’ll be more alive, and more You. You will be strong. And you will feel a curious sensation of being more useful. And it will feel really, really fantastic.

    What you’re going through right now is so difficult.

    And it’s going to be okay.

    More than okay.

    Love,
    Danielle

    P.S. Check out my For soul boosting and truth reading list for most posts like this one. Straight-up encouragement when you need it most. When you’re stuck. In pain. Not sure how to move forward. Bits o’ wisdom to make you feel better, instantly.

    Send encouragement to the people you love.

    Here is the link if you want more info as well: http://www.daniellelaporte.com/are-you-hanging-by-a-thread-2/?utm_source=bronto&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Are+you+hanging+by+a+thread?&utm_content=Are+you+hanging+by+a+thread?&utm_campaign=Are+you+hanging+by+a+thread?&_bta_tid=4103146572270008515295681972835210688964728095846386159671462900085032448

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  2. So glad the therapist is working out. Mine was instrumental in my healing. I thought I was in a happy and loving marriage and just that my husband had some inner issues he was struggling with, but that he loved me beyond all. When he ended everything I was in shock. I’ll never forget my therapist saying I wasn’t crazy…that the illusion of my marriage seemed real to me. Because, in my case, since he treated me great, told me I was beautiful and loved, etc….that I wasn’t nuts for thinking everything was okay. There really wasn’t “something that I had missed” or “something I could have done different”. My situation was different than yours but my point is that the therapy was a lifesaver for me to move forward. I hope it is for you too!!! Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you that. A lot thank you. I read again today when I am calmer and it is extremely apt. I may blog it – with appropriate citation. It was very thoughtful of you to find it and post it for me, 🙂 Lily🌷

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