I’m reaching out today. I feel extremely vulnerable today.
i am very very aware that my ExP has ‘talked me round’ from this position (when I have said our relationship is untenable) previously. It’s now a week since I locked him out. Since the proverbial “camels back” snapped over something that was, in itself quite trivial.
the deal breakers underlying, are anything but trivial.
always previously, he has talked me round. Persuaded me that what I feel is wrong. That his reasoning is correct. Sometimes, he will promise that things will be different, of course they never are.
I am afraid this time is coming. I am afraid that once he thinks I have ‘calmed down’ , the charm offensive will start. And I will struggle to resist him. Despite the fact that I know, I know, this relationship cannot work. I don’t know why I think he will be able to erode my resolve, but I do. I have such shit self esteem that I struggle to trust myself at all.
I have said I will not see him alone. I can’t. But even in my own head the doubts are creeping in.
I saw my therapist this morning, and we talked about exactly this. He has no POWER really, it’s all in my head.
I can do this. I stopped drinking, I can end a relationship which is making me unhappy.
So why am I so scared?