I can’t believe the last post I made was 3 days ago.

ive been very busy, but I don’t feel much further forward.

yesterday I tool all three of my sons, and B’s new girlfriend to a theme park for the day. We went to collect her, drove some way to the park and then did the reverse, at 6 PM. I’m exhausted today. That’s probably why I’m so flat.

Of all the moods and emotions I have, I hate this one the most. Apathy, fatigue, ennui. Everything seems pointless. I see only the negative, the worst possible outcomes. I distrust my own judgement, I struggle to get anything at all done.

im still sober, that’s honestly right now, the only good thing I can see about this whole mess.

So. I’m going to force myself to write what I know in my head and see if I can believe it in my heart…

  • no1 son is happier and more focussed and positive than I have seen him in years
  • i have done a brave thing ending a relationship that was making me unhappy
  • i am strong and capable and there is nothing I cannot manage (or find someone who can)
  • The house is happier.
  • my kids are at critical times in their lives; they need me.

I will be ok.

i took Bianca and Lola for a ride early in the morning – photo above – I didn’t fall off, but I have a lot of training to do if I am to ride 100 miles in a day !

Sending you all love. Lily 🌷


  1. Lily every point you have made is true. You are doing great. I know that pointless, this is hard feeling when exhausted so, so well. Hang in there – you will feel better. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Lily You are doing extremely well, This is a big thing in your life, its no wonder you have moods and emotions going on.
    Your a strong lady and a wonderful mother. Chin up x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good job writing your list to keep focus. I think things like that will be very helpful. Bianca is pretty and Lola is gorgeous. Power to you for riding with a dog! I think mine would get in the way and cause a major mishap!!! Be safe!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I won’t ride Bianca with Lola again. Lola is fine with a mountain bike, where I can ride on paths, but Bianca is a road bike … It was very early in the morning, so there was little traffic , bit still !! Lola can’t keep up for long, and struggles to know where to run when I’m on the road !! Bianca’s tyres are only suitable for the road ….


  4. Lily all you need to focus on right now is taking care of yourself. I bet like most professionals you take better care of those under your care than you do yourself. Listen to the advise you would give someone else in these circumstances. Make sure you eat well and if necessary take a good multi vitamin. Get your hair done, book in a massage, order takeaway when necessary! Your children need you to be well. Much love ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Well done you ! Keep strong! I find it so beneficial for my mental wellbeing to get outside
    I managed a night out with work in Londin, pre dinner cocktails and huge dinner with flowing wine.
    It’s hard having sparkling water 😫

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow. Just look at that list of awesome outcomes! They all happened because of YOUR strength and bravery. You rock!!!

    (Do people say that anymore? You rock? Am I flaunting how old I am? Still….you do rock! )

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.