I can’t believe the last post I made was 3 days ago.
ive been very busy, but I don’t feel much further forward.
yesterday I tool all three of my sons, and B’s new girlfriend to a theme park for the day. We went to collect her, drove some way to the park and then did the reverse, at 6 PM. I’m exhausted today. That’s probably why I’m so flat.
Of all the moods and emotions I have, I hate this one the most. Apathy, fatigue, ennui. Everything seems pointless. I see only the negative, the worst possible outcomes. I distrust my own judgement, I struggle to get anything at all done.
im still sober, that’s honestly right now, the only good thing I can see about this whole mess.
So. I’m going to force myself to write what I know in my head and see if I can believe it in my heart…
- no1 son is happier and more focussed and positive than I have seen him in years
- i have done a brave thing ending a relationship that was making me unhappy
- i am strong and capable and there is nothing I cannot manage (or find someone who can)
- The house is happier.
- my kids are at critical times in their lives; they need me.
I will be ok.
i took Bianca and Lola for a ride early in the morning – photo above – I didn’t fall off, but I have a lot of training to do if I am to ride 100 miles in a day !
Sending you all love. Lily 🌷