Therapy

I like this image, it reminds me that it’s the key stone – in the middle – that holds up a strong arch. Sometimes the arch, or bridge is strong enough it walk on, once the key stone is in place,

thats what therapy is about for me, finding that keystone – of believing in it, trusting in it, maybe learning to walk on it ?

I know people have been advising me for some time (on this blog) to go for therapy, and many people have recounted how significant the process has been for them in their sobriety. Can you understand if I say I was a bit reluctant because I knew, deep down, that the casualty of my being honest in a therapeutic relationship was likely to be my partnership with (ex) Mr Lily. I honestly did not expect that just by getting sober, everything would change as it has, but on reflection, the clarity that comes with ongoing sobriety has forced me to face the problems that’s have always been there….

I feel sad, but I also feel I have done everything I possibly could to hold this together. Probably more than I should have done, certainly more than I would expect anyone else to have done. If I have reached the “end of the road” , it’s not because I haven’t tried. I don’t feel I have to reproach myself.

So now that I have started therapy, I think (hope) this process of self realisation and  examination will prevent me from repeating mistakes I have made in my personal life over and over again. I also now understand why some therapists don’t like to work with people who drink too much / take drugs.  It’s because, when intoxicated so often, with the best intentions you can’t be in touch with your real feelings …

So .. Do you know what? I’m ok. I thought I would crumble, collapse and become totally incapable. I haven’t . Slowly I’m getting stuff done. I’m not crying all day. I’m connecting with MY anger about HIS failings rather than just blaming myself ( and before you go all judgy on me – I know all relationships take two to work and two to fail. But it’s not ALL my fault. And I alone could not have made it work. So I don’t actually have to shoulder ALL the guilt.

I like the lady who is my therapist. She ticks the boxes I had “pre set” but she’s also kind, and human; she helps me see “answers” for myself, but she also answers my questions … Do you think it matters if you ‘like’ your therapist ? I know it matters to me that in’like’ my own GP – in so far as the therapeutic relationship goes … ?

Full of questions. Ironically feeling guilty that I’m not MORE upset at the loss of exP. maybe the onslaught will come, or maybe I just tried so hard for so long to no avail that I’ve just run out of emotion. ….

 

 


5 comments

  1. Hi Lily!

    I’m so glad you’re finding therapy helpful. I know I, too, was worried about the effect sobriety and 100% honesty would have on my relationship…but I figured, if I can’t be authentic about it with even myself, how can I expect any meaningful change, positive or negative?

    I’m really glad you’re taking the time to work things out, though. Your therapist sounds great! And to answer your question, yes! Liking your therapist definitely helps! Trust is a big thing.

    Best of luck to you! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think liking your therapist is very important. I’m so glad you found her. When I wasn’t ultimately that upset about my ex wanting a divorce, I first wondered if I really loved him that much….then I wondered if it was because I played a bigger role in the demise of my marriage than I wanted to admit…there came the self-blame. I finally came to the conclusion that I had done all I could and I felt good about that. Some things just aren’t able to be as we idealized. It’s a process you will have to go through and I think being guided by a therapist will keep you sane.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lily you are doing SO well.

    I think it is very important to like your therapist. I have had two who I have liked very much – including my current therapist who I have been seeing on and off for a very long time. I changed from him to another basically because a psychiatrist felt it would be beneficial to have a new start. I knew from our first meeting that I didn’t like her and she didn’t get me at all – I didn’t go back.

    It is great that you have found a therapist you like and can work with. I really think it will make the world of difference. Tori xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think it’s good to like your therapist.

    You are not to blame for everything. There is no reason for you to take responsibility for your partners defects…or to accept them.

    Sometimes the right answer is that it just isn’t right for you. Period. No explanation required.
    Your feelings are all that matters.

    Hug.
    Anne

    Like

  5. Hi Lily

    I think it’s essential you like your therapist! There was so much positivity in that post. Really nice to hear. x

    Like


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