Much better today

Mood is a funny thing isn’t it. One day you can be totally down in the dumps, and the next, though nothing material has chnaged, things just seems brighter, more possible – to coin an old phrase, the glass feels half full again.

so it is today. I feel much more myself –  though I have back pain, probably related to a tumble off the bike on Sunday, I feel hopeful and optimistic. No idea why particularly, but hey – I’ll take this mood over yesterdays black cloud any day.

I have started reading a number of the books recommended to me earlier in this blog; by Brene Brown, Tara Brach and Craig Nakken. When my thoughts again feel more ordered,(one of the things i MOST hate about ‘depression’ is that it fucks with my thought processes which are usually clear and logical) I will share some of my thoughts – as a recovering alcoholic (I don’t feel ashamed of that label so much any longer)

I am starting to plan an exercise timetable – I have some big things to get fit for. I started a just giving page, for the 100mile cycle ride I am entered for next July. ( As one of my son’s helpfully pointed out – that about 1/3 the length of the UK ! ) The donations I have received already topped my expectations and I still have 10 months to go – but I definitely need the time to train! As I am also planing a triathlon (much shorter) I need to cross train, swim and run as well – And now I have so many people pledging faith in me with hard cash – I cannot back out!

And my ex? He’s ok I think, I have limited contact as far as I can. It’s easier for me this way.

Life is actually better 90% of the time for ME now that he is not here. There is 10% which is struggling , 10% which misses some aspects of him being here, and I miss having a partner to “do things with” .  But I do not miss the stress. And the constant feeling of being torn between him and what I think is right for my kids. 

So, onwards and upwards. Now I need to start rebuilding , and crafting a life for myself .

Sober .