Alone or lonely?

A bottle of sav blanc was always a good companion! I rarely felt lonely in the drinking days- probably because I was drunk. Since I have been sober, there have been some uncomfortable evenings when I have felt acutely lonely. It’s less now, since ExP left, as the kids are around – just around – more often. I used to love reading, and could always bury myself in a book – right now, my concentration is poor and I seem quite unable to concentrate long enough to read any of the interesting books I have waiting on my kindle. My therapist suggested TED talks, which I think might be better, but my concentration seems limited to trashy TV; reality shows and short bursts of favourite films.

I don’t feel lonely as such right now, but I do feel alone with the responsibility for making good decisions for the future; deciding for me and the boys what is the right thing to do. I do trust my instincts, and my decision making capacity in many ways, but there are things that I still struggle with.

My current dilemma, about whether to move, is one such thing. Financially it makes sense, my current house attracts a premium because it’s in the catchment are of several excellent and over subscribed school. As my boys are now settled in schools, I not longer need this advantage, and a new property can be equally convenient, the same size, but quite a lot cheaper…. I also wonder if it’s just time for a change …

Being sober feels normal now, but the weight of responsibility, and the sense of being alone is , or feels, heavier than I remember.

I wonder if this is making me nostalgic for the time when I had a partner – although in reality that provided only the illusion of a person to share the load as we disagreed so profoundly.

And my puppy has been born. We haven’t chosen one yet, but the litter has arrived…



  1. Awww cute puppies! Moving house is always a good way to make a fresh start and leave memories behind to a degree which may be helpful – a big effort though. Podcasts are another good option for something to distract you if you’re not feeling particularly focused. Take care 🙂 x

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  2. Hi Lily. My concentration is still very poor but I have a subscription to audible so that I can listen to audio books. I really enjoy it. I am a bit of a Radio 4 addict and it’s a bit like having a really good Book of the Week on demand. I also enjoy TED talks and the Bubble Hour. Love Tori xxx


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