this morning I woke to a barrage of abusive,sarcastic, critical and Nasty posts on Facebook from my ExP.
its hard to explain how that upset me. I have tried to conduct myself with dignity, and confided in very few people about the reasons for our spereration. Only My brother, and my best friend are fully aware. I have made no reference to it in public or on social media.
Although I took the posts done immediately, and as they were posted late at night, i doubt too many people saw them, I feel shaken, invaded and desperately upset. Partly that my personal business has been plastered over the Internet, partly that some one I once loved so much has such contempt for me that he would do that, and partly because it has again awakened that lingering sense of self doubt.
perhaps he is right in his assessment of me.
perhaps I was hasty, cruel in denying him access to what was his home. Perhaps I am stupid to get a second dog, perhaps I am useless & slow on my bike and won’t be able to meet the challenges I have set myself. Worst of all, perhaps my eldest son, is in fact the terrible evil person ExP believes him to be.
all of that doubt. Disquiet, distress. Anxiety. Fear.
I have been so positive in the last couple of days, the photo of our new puppy is at the top of the page. I believe that my posting this picture on FB set off his rant, because he is very opposed to the idea. Tho since he doesn’t live here, willl not be paying and is not asked to take any responsibility for said puppy I’m not really sure why he’s so upset.
Perhaps is a feeling of loss of control. That I am doing what I want, regardless of what he thinks.
Anyway , I feel very low again now, and fearful.