Self doubt

this morning I woke to a barrage of abusive,sarcastic, critical and Nasty posts on Facebook from my ExP.

its hard to explain how that upset me. I have tried to conduct myself with dignity, and confided in very few people about the reasons for our spereration. Only My brother, and my best friend are fully aware. I have made no reference to it in public or on social media.

Although I took the posts done immediately, and as they were posted late at night, i doubt  too many people saw them, I feel shaken, invaded and desperately upset. Partly that my personal business has been plastered over the Internet, partly that some one I once loved so much has such contempt for me that he would do that, and partly because it has again awakened that lingering sense of self doubt.

perhaps he is right in his assessment of me.

perhaps I was hasty, cruel in denying him access to what was his home. Perhaps I am stupid to get a second dog, perhaps I am useless & slow on my bike and won’t be able to meet the challenges I have set myself. Worst of all, perhaps my eldest son, is in fact the terrible evil person ExP believes him to be.

all of that doubt. Disquiet, distress. Anxiety. Fear.

I have been so positive in the last couple of days, the photo of our new puppy is at the top of the page. I believe that my posting this picture on FB set off his rant, because he is very opposed to the idea. Tho since he doesn’t live here, willl not be paying and is not asked to take any responsibility for said puppy I’m not really sure why he’s so upset.

Perhaps is a feeling of loss of control. That I am doing what I want, regardless of what he thinks.

Anyway , I feel very low again now, and fearful.

Crap 💩

 

 


21 comments

  1. Oh Blogfriend don’t let him get you down. Of course kind caring people always try to look at both sides of the coin (the edge too) and give people the benefit of the doubt but the very -act- of airing dirty laundry on social media late at night says that this person isn’t for you. Decent folks whose opinions might matter wouldn’t -do- that. It sounds like he is angry because his status quo has been so changed and because he has known you so long he knows exactly the words which will affect you most but that doesn’t mean they are true and -definitely- doesn’t mean you should give them value.
    Hang in there and trust your gut.

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  2. Was he drunk? That sounds like something a drunk person would do. And screw him. You are not those things he said, I vote unfriend and block him. Cutting him out of your life is not a bad thing to do. It is something to protect you. You can start today with not letting him disrespect you. That’s what he has done for quite some time. I’ve been reading your posts. You deserve better- especially from yourself.

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  3. What an adorable puppy! My guess is the photo of the puppy on your page made him realize you are moving on. He is trying to shake you, by insulting and belittling you. You are better than him, his online rant has proved it! Sending hugs. xx

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  4. I agree – block him, he was probably drunk and lashing out at you moving on, trust yourself and your instincts. His drunken opinion is worth nothing and do not waste any more time on it. Rejoice in your gorgeous new puppy – I have puppy envy!! x

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  5. He is threatened by your confidence and trying to sabotage your independence. What business is it of his that you got a dog? It is killing him that he’s no longer in charge. The truth is he doesn’t deserve to be. You do. What he just did was threaten you publicly. That is not the action of a loving partner, not matter how angry he was. I’m sorry that he hurt you, but now you are able to take that power away from him.

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  6. Block him and alter your security settings so that nobody can post on your page without your permission. I do not allow tagging or people posting without my approval. His behaviour sounds drunken, bitter. Take care Miss Lily 😘😘

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  7. Lily, I am so sorry that this man has decided to take an abusive path, rather than following the high road. It’s very apparent that he is uncomfortable and angry about the fact that you’re regaining control over you own life, and that he cannot manipulate you anymore. It’s very painful to hear these things from someone you care(d) about and love(d) very deeply – I once had an ex-partner do the same sort of thing to me – but I hope it tells you something about his true character that he would only ever try to deny in conversation.

    Stay strong. Your new puppy is absolutely adorable 🙂

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  8. Good grief. Did he really say those things?

    what a sad, childish thing for him to do.

    You were together for quite a while – he knows which buttons he can press – and he’s angry with you, so he’s pressed them.

    It must feel horrible – but if ever there was a “no going back” moment, surely this has to be it.

    Stay strong. He’s embittered and very, very silly. You, on the other hand, have your boys and your dogs, your friends and not forgetting your sobriety!

    Hope today has felt a bit better. x

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  9. Oooh how he got what he wanted. From your post it sounds like he pressed all the buttons he knew would hurt the most. Once the rawness of his awful behaviour lifts a bit I hope it only cements why you are better off without him in your life. If the bad things he says are true – why would he want to be with you? And if he was a decent guy, would he post your private personal things on Facebook?
    Stay strong Amiga! Xx

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