Why do we go on caring for people who hurt us? why do we go one expecting that somehow they will do something different in the future?
why when life is better for us all now do I feel so very low today?
why, when I have been sober for 217 days do my moods swing like this.?
why do I miss ExP?
why cannot I accept today that its over; that its right that its over?
why, when I am trying so very hard, do I feel overwhelmed with sadness, fatigue, loss and failure.
and why am I working an on call surgery this evening to cover yet another sick colleague ?
answers on a post card please
alcoholfree2016 
A piece of your life that is gone.
It represents change and people are typically resistant to change.
The answer to your “why”: Only time will change it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Difficult times, difficult questions 😦 Eventually the fear and clinging mind will let go into something strong and forward looking. Hugs for the in-between stages x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hug.
No path is easy. But you are taking care of yourself.
And I guess you must be a good colleague.
Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pray. Know that life is highs and lows. There is growth and learning in pain. And yes….this too shall pass.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know how to pray for myself. I know how to pray for others ….
LikeLike
We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t suffer grief after loss. It is normal to grieve, even when the loss is a good thing. It will get better in time.
LikeLike
Lily you are grieving and all these horrible ups and downs are part of that process. I am pleased you are posting about it -after all it’s good to “talk”. You will get there, ARE getting there. 217 days is amazing. Think back to you day 1 and everything which led up to it. You have come so far. Love Tori xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hugs, and know this is part of the grieving process. Even though ex p has shown to be a shit, once he was not, and you loved him.
LikeLike
A metaphor comes to mind —
you’re being tossed on a stormy sea. Sometimes you’re at the crest of a wave, you can see the lights of the harbour, you know you’re going to get there. Then the wave breaks and you’re soaked through before plunging into the trough of the wave where everything is dark, cold, scary, you don’t know how you’re going to get through —
then you’re carried again up to the crest of the next wave and you can see that the tide is taking you in; the harbour is closer, the lights are brighter, you can see people waiting for you on the shore; you will be safe as long as keep your head and use your oar and your rudder —–
sorry, maybe I’m being daft!
or maybe this will help? that’s why I’ve written it.
You’ll get there. You wouldn’t have got this far without the strength to get further. xx
LikeLike
You’re just having a blip. We all have them. You’ll feel better soon. 217 days is just amazing. I’m with you on working over to cover colleagues but lately I’ve thought no! I’m putting my own health first. I can’t continue to cover other health care professionals constant sickness and neither should you. You have to put yourself first x
LikeLike