The most basic forms of life have ‘needs’ – water/ fuel, and humans are no exception. There is even a whole theory based on the ‘hierarchy of needs’ created by Abraham Maslow – a psychologist in the 1940s
The most fundamental layer of the pyramid contain what we required to live food water, (one might argue about sex on an individual level – but as a species we certainly need it) Maslow’s theory suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before the individual will strongly desire (or focus motivation upon) the secondary or higher level needs. As our needs in the lower levels of the pyramid are met, we look to the next level. All of the first four levels of the pyramid are need to be realised before we can achieve our full potential. ( This is MY retelling of a complex and academic theory which forms the basis of a substantial body of academic psychological study)
This morning I was talking to a beautiful intelligent kind well educated young woman in her early 30’s . She has a boyfriend of 2 years plus. He wants her to relocate half way round the world away from her career, her family, her friends and her life – but he wot marry her, won’t give any assurances that he would like a family with her and wont even agree to buy a home with her. And shes asking is SHE is being unreasonable to not want to do that ?
FFS what about OUR needs; her needs MY needs. As women we bend over backwards to accommodate everyone else. we care, nurture and try and fix everyone else problems. We run round putting out own needs and wants and hopes at the bottom of a pile to be trampled on by other people who actually DON’T CARE what we want – and are just looking out for themselves. Their NEEDS are important, but not ours. And we make excuses, explain away the inexcusable, make ourselves miserable trying to accept what we CANNOT. Bollocks to that.Why do we do this ? Why as women are we taught the MENS needs matter more. that we should compromise what we want or need to keep a man happy ?
so , for the records ExP… you wanted the rights of a husband – shared money (read I share mine and you spend it), ability to discipline my kids how you wanted, take over the house and behave as you liked, but were prepared only to give the commitments of a boyfriend. Well that doesn’t work for me. Frankly I cant believe I let it go on for so long. Id rather be alone, or with a partner who respects me enough to WANT to make a commitment to me. Otherwise, be a pt boyfriend, sort yourself out and we’ll have dinner once in a while.
Its OK to have needs, Its ok for me, its ok for my young friend I spoke to and its ok for everyone. we should be less afraid about stating and sticking to those needs and expecting them to be respected.