Clearing out

its been nine weeks since my relationship ended. Lots of things have happened, in general I think I’m more ok that I expected to be (if that makes sense)  my home is certainly a lot less stressed, my children are happier, and I’m coping … do I miss him? Sometimes. When the boiler packed up again this week, and I realise I need a new one, I could have done with another adult to talk to – but day to day, life has less tension and frustration.

im still dry. That’s amazing actually ! 225 days of consecutive sobriety. I don’t feel like drinking, and I’m very clear that my sobriety has helped me move forward psychologically, to the space I’m in now.

Early on, I moved most of ExP’s things from the living room. I didn’t want to sit with them every evening, but I’ve done little else. I’m not quite sure why. He of course has collected only his essentials. Today I decided to reclaim my bedroom. I cleared out his drawers, put everything into a big suitcase and put it out of site. Now I can reclaim 4 drawers and sorted out my clothes from the too small spaces they have been stuffed in. Feels GOOD 😊

each move like this takes me further from the relationship, and closes one more door to any reconciliation. I still find that hard, but as my Ex P really doesn’t think he has done anything wrong, there is no room to compromise, and so no possibility of any reconciliation . I know this, I believe it’s right, but it still hurts. We have almost no contact now, and whilst this is for the best, a part of me is afraid he has moved on already and found a new girlfriend.  I know, however illogically, that this will really hurt me;  I also know, that it is inevitable as this is how he has operated for the last 10 years plus …

im still musing about women’s role in society , in relationships and in the world. I’m seeing inequality everywhere in how we treat ourselves, the expectations that society and the media have of us and the importance of strong positive female role models for our daughters and young women. I’m from the generation who were told we could “have it all” – but you can’t – and I think now, our job is to help young women find an acceptable work life balance that boosts their self esteem and harnesses their skills without making them feel like that have to do everything, and be perfect.

Rant over.

going to see our pup later – snuffly cuddles and fluffy snuggles … 😀

 


One comment

  1. Amazing progress! I also wonder about how women most often get the short end of the stick in relationships and life in general. But some women (mostly older, it seems) seem to have beat the system. They are happy, with or without a partner, and fill their lives with meaningful friendships and family relationships. My goal is to become one of them. ; )

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