Eight months

Eight months ago today (March 11th) I took my last alcoholic drink(s) . I didn’t know it then, but it was a turning point in my life.

Today feels like  a day of reflection as I’m pondering a slightly uncertain future given the stubborn lump (which has not gone away ! – awaiting appointment)

So I woke early this morning – one thing I have started doing is going to bed earlier and rising earlier, so I can walk Lola in the morning, be back in time to get the boys up in good time for school / work, have time for a shower and more leisurely preparation for the day. I like this. I like being early for work, not rushing, I like watching Lola run and run with sheer joy in the early morning misty darkness; I like the exercise it gives me and I like the feeling of control I have over my day

so small blessings I counted as I dried off after my shower

  • My boys, downstairs from me were chatting as they got ready. Nice chat. Not arguing.
  • My dog is better trained, because as well as running after the ball we do training every morning.
  • My puppy Jasper arrives next Saturday 19th November
  • My house is warm
  • I am fed, my children are fed.
  • I have a loving extended family and very good friends
  • I am sober and with my sobriety have come so many blessings
  • I am in therapy – and although that sounds a bit ‘cliched’ , i genuinely feel I have for the first time a safe space where I can be honest, and not judged, actually affirmed.
  • as a sober woman I have the insight and the self reflection necessary to make progress in that therapeutic environment
  • I am separated from my Ex , which means the constant cognitive dissonance – doing something (being with him) against what I knew to be right (putting my children first) is gone.
  • I feel contentment
  • I have stable employment
  • I never ever have to worry about how much I drink, driving the next morning, picking the kids up late, having an accident when drunk, I am no longer ashamed of my drinking
  • I am calmer, my moods are stable
  • I am genuinely close to my children. They TALK to me. And I share more of my day to day life with them because I have time, and energy.
  • This is an evolving one, but my co-parenting relationship with my ex husband is now better that the civil one I have always tried to maintain. I would describe it as positive.
  • My choices are positive ones for ME. And my family. All of us.

I feel truly blessed right now. And safer, more secure and more confident that my path is the right one than I have for some considerable time.

And on this day eight months ago I truly had NO IDEA what was just around the corner,

Bless you all, and I wish you a peaceful, happy day. Especially the two people IRL who share my blog, you are more important to me that you could ever realise.

Lily x

 

 


11 comments

  1. What a lovely post. You’ve come such a long way, you sound so much happier and I’m sure your boys must be too. You have every right to feel very proud of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Its easy to get lost in the hurly burly of everyday life and forget to look back and see where I have come from. My Life wasn’t AWFUL (mostly) but it was unpredictable, out of my control and stressful. Its none of those things now, at its core. Thank you for your kind words. Lily x

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  2. What a beautiful post. One of the great things about following blogs is that someone’s progress can really be followed. Or their relapses. While you have had some difficult moments, you have faced all of them with courage, have worked on them and have shared them. This has been so valuable to me and I’m sure to many others. This post is also a reminder for me of how important it is to be aware and acknowledge our blessings.
    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a wonderful post – loved your list blessings. The last one struck a particular chord with me – there is such power in that realisation that we are making choices now that heal, rather than harm, ourselves and those around us. Congratulations on your eight months – keep up the good work!

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  4. Lily that’s such a wonderful list. I think I need to take a step back and count my blessings too. I have been very caught up in negativity recently and it is very destructive. You have renewed my sense of hope. Xx

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