Yesterday (and don’t all shout at once) i saw ExP. The boys are with their Dad on Saturdays and I desperately needed some figures and statements from the last financial year to complete my tax return. In the circumstances , dissolution of the partnership, I needed his input.

it was nice to see him. (Groan). we managed a senseful and appropriate business discussion which will enable me to get my stuff to my far so good.

Then he suggested we go to the pub and watch the England rugby match. It’s on sky tv which I don’t have. So we did. Again, don’t all groan together. This blog is an honest account of where I am, and I can’t miss out the ‘blips’….

the pub serves becks blue , I didn’t drink alcohol obviously, he bought me a drink ! We watched the match , it was a good game with the right result if you are English. I love watching rugby and it’s something we used to do a lot together.

Ok.this the hard bit. It just felt nice, normal, calm. I enjoyed being with him, close to him. I remembered the good times. We didn’t really discuss anything controversial or difficult, stayed after the match for one more and then I went home. Alone.

And now I’m confused. Not really about the big stuff. He can’t live here, not with the boys. And I’m not paying for one more thing. But I’m clearly no where near ‘over him’ , and still vulnerable and still susceptible….

In one way I can see my progress; and it’s only 12 weeks since we split, and we were together 6 years, Β and I did adore him. On the other hand …. ggrrrrr



  1. Glad you had a nice time but don’t waste a moment feeling regret/looking back. You can do better than him and you know where it goes if you start seeing him more often. Your emotional, spiritual health is just as important as your physical health.

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  2. I agree with A Better Path…you got the information you needed, you watched a rugby game, but you know where it goes…it will take time to get over him, but….you didn’t drink, and you didn’t go back home with him! xx

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  3. I also agree. You know where it will lead in the end. In my experience, someone can only keep up “the good behavior” for a short period of time before lapsing back into who they really are-unless they have done the work needed to make changes in the core of their being. From what you’ve writtenm in the pst, it doen’t sound like he’s been working on those things-and if he has, he hasn’t put in the time. I think you are still grieving and grieving for an “ideal” that is not the reality. In time, you will heal and your life will be fuller and you’ll wonder why you ever thought that you missed him.
    And..aren’t you getting that puppy tomorrow??

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    • I do know. And I cannot have that. I could have such a relationship with a new partner – more separate lives, with some shared time to enjoy. But not with ExP. Too much water under the bridge. Hes not ‘working’ on anything in himself, he doesn’t believe he needs to. he believes that is all B’s ‘fault’ . And i know that this ‘nice man’ will last only the blink of an eye if I let him back in. We collect Jasper on 19th Nov. Thank you for your honesty. Lily x

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  4. It takes as long as it takes. It sounded like you have established good boundaries with him. One day you will wake up and know you have moved on and it will be ok. It’s just unfortunate that we don’t get to choose that day but keep going in that direction.

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      • Anne, no this is not how life was, And one cannot go backwards. I have always said that the only way forward would be by couples therapy. But again, he is not listening to me, and (maybe) thinks this approach will wear me down. it wont. I cant go back to how it was and I see NO indication that it would be any different today.


    • I think the boundaries are good in my head, and too flexible in real life. Because I loved him. maybe I still do. Maybe I loved the mirage, the image, the hope for the future. But it still makes me vulnerable. Lily x Thank you

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  5. A nice afternoon is just that. A nice afternoon. Which is easy. Escapism… You quite possibly still love him.. But you know that’s not enough. I’d just say be careful, not to keep letting him in little by little… Because he’s obviously manipulative.
    Definitely glad you shared – none of us are here to judge! So many of our stories are the same. And even when they’re not – we are here to support and vent and listen πŸ™‚ xx

    In other news, as I was typing this, a bird shat on my hand.


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