Tomorrow, 4th , is my birthday. My 52nd birthday to be exact. I don’t really feel like Having a birthday, or celebrating or anything. I’d rather just ignore it, but I will not be allowed to do that.
Birthdays are times of reflection as you get older, a kind of totting up the pluses and minuses of the last year, lasr decade, your whole life. I’m really not in the mood for that at the moment. I’d prefer to hide away for the day and watch box sets.
I feel like all the fun and enthusiasm has been sucked out of me, as though I have no “joie de vive”; there’s nothing to look forwards except decrepitude, hard work, loneliness and stress. What’s the point?
This “lowness” is not new, it comes on sometimes, and it will pass. I take medication for it, and probably always will, which attenuates the length and probably depth of the “lows”. Probably not drinking also helps – as a mood stabiliser, although at the moment I feel like several glasses of wine might make me feel better, I know that’s a false thought, and I have no intention of acting on it.
If I can summon up the energy I will later deal with my roots, and rekeratinize my hair to stop the flyaway frizz.i think that would be a good thing, a bit of ‘self love’.
Maybe I’ll watch a movie in bed, although I will probably fall asleep half way through. How exciting for a Saturday night …
Much love to you all out there, struggling or content. Lily 🌷