Tomorrow, 4th , is my birthday. My 52nd birthday to be exact. I don’t really feel like Having a birthday, or celebrating or anything. I’d rather just ignore it, but I will not be allowed to do that. 

Birthdays are times of reflection as you get older, a kind of totting up the pluses and minuses of the last year, lasr decade, your whole life. I’m really not in the mood for that at the moment. I’d prefer to hide away for the day and watch box sets. 

I feel like all the fun and enthusiasm has been sucked out of me, as though I have no “joie de vive”; there’s nothing to look forwards except decrepitude, hard work, loneliness and stress. What’s the point?

This “lowness” is not new, it comes on sometimes, and it will pass. I take medication for it, and probably always will, which attenuates the length and probably depth of the “lows”. Probably not drinking also helps – as a mood stabiliser, although at the moment I feel like several glasses of wine might make me feel better, I know that’s a false thought, and I have no intention of acting on it.

Instead I have lit my fire πŸ”₯. I love my open fire, although it’s messy, it’s the most warm and cozy  thing in the winter.

If I can summon up the energy I will later deal with my roots, and rekeratinize my hair to stop the flyaway frizz.i think that would be a good thing, a bit of ‘self love’. 

Maybe I’ll watch a movie in bed, although I will probably fall asleep half way through. How exciting for a Saturday night … 

Much love to you all out there, struggling or content. Lily 🌷


  1. Happy Birthday Lily. I don’t much like celebrating birthdays any more but my children insist on making them bigger than Ben Hur every single year.
    Have you ever made a bucket list? A list of all the things you would love to do (but probably won’t) I find it helps me gather enthusiasm for the future. I add to it on a regular basis! Yesterday I added a beach that was just named Australia’s most beautiful, Cossies beach in the Cocos Islands. The chances of me getting there are quite remote but it doesn’t stop me hoping. Having hope is a wonderful thing. I also have the Blue Grotto and a number of other beautiful places on my list. I haven’t put Mount Everest summit on there because I am not in the least bit adventurous or fit! but for a lot of people things like that seem to spur them on. Having a dream is so important. People who don’t dream seem to stop living. I don’t want to be like that. Although at times it is hard.

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    • All my life I have had terribly fly away, unmanageable hair. Then I read an article about keratin treatment, I bought a kit from amazon,and it worked like magic. It takes about 2 hours eVER 3 monthsor so. Magic 🌷❀️

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  2. Happy Birthday Lily! I hope you’re having a good day. While I know that some birthdays- like 50 or 60 are milestone birthdays, I think this is a milestone birthday for you. You have made so many changes and done some incredibly hard inward looking work, all the while working at caring for others, taking care of your sons, your dogs and your home. I think you’re an amazing woman! Wishing you a happier, lighter, fuller and love filled year!


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