Christmas πŸŽ„

It’s a funny old time of year, Christmas. So much expectation, families trying to get on well, fulfill one another’s wishes. Kids wanting Things , too much rich food and (for me in the past anyway) too much wine.

every year for as long as I can remember I have overspent at Christmas, every year it’s been a hugely stressful event. ExP made it crystal clear at Christmas that he wasn’t kart of MY family and would do exactly what he wanted, no matter what the effect on anyone else, or how much stress it caused me. His children would never ever commit to any specific time to visit us, which frankly was extremely rude; this meant that he would refuse to commit to anything outside the house, go anywhere, see anyone,have anyone over just in case they decided to pay us a visit at that time. What a load of shit.

The whole ‘drinking thing’ would just get silly at Christmas; not that I needed a great deal of encouragement, but at Christmas it acceptable to start drinking at 11am, get pretty plastered, try and get dinner on the table, keep drinking and pass out at 7pm.

This year is already different, I’ve made a budget and stuck to it; despite the fact that I’m working all but the statutory days off, I’m feeling quite relaxed and enthusiastic about Β events.

the boys, dogs and I have been invited to my brothers house. I know we will have a lovely day, and I’m really looking forward to seeing the whole family. I will not be drinking so a) won’t get over emotional b) will be able to drive home and c) will remember everything.

I haven’t made that much effort this year with decorating the house etc.. partly a big tree with low hanging baubles is an invitation to mayhem with a 3 month old puppy, and partly, until now, Β I have felt very ambivalent and rather low key about it all. Next year I will have the opportunity to take leave at Christmas , and I already have plans for more lavish celebrations.

I hadn’t realised, really hadn’t realised, how much ExP’s bad temper, grumpiness, lack of support and criticism brought me down and made everything 100x harder than it needed to be. I’m still working full time (and some) , I still have three kids but somehow it’s just so much less stressful right now ! I love it 😍

am I worried about not drinking this Christmas? No, I’m not worried. I don’t WANT to drink alcohol – I’m so much happier than I was, I don’t want to sabotage it..

onwards and upwards …


  1. Wow, how uplifting! I think this is that freedom that everyone who’s been sober some length of time talks about. It’s not only the freedom from the obsession to drink, but freedom to do what the hell you want at Christmas instead of tiptoeing around ExP. And like the Ghost of Christmas Past, you’ve given ExP a Christmas to reflect on his bad behavior and, like Scrooge, make a change for the better (or not).
    Lovely post!

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    • I feel like something has just dropped into place, I cant explain it better than that. I have ‘known’ I cannot, must not, drink – and that somehow life would be ‘better’ for me. But some of that has just been faith and a knowledge that if I continued to drink, sooner or later something bad would happen. Now it feels like everything really is BETTER. It might be another pink cloud, but just maybe its the start of a new phase. … Lily x

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