Funny how life turns.
My upbeat post from this morning looks hollow and like so much fluff tonight.
ExP contacted me today, wanting to collect some stuff. I asked son #1 to be home at the appointed time. He arrived. Is he in the slightest bit grateful that I have stored his stuff for free for the last 4 months? What do you think ? No ,he’s moaning because this and that is missing (he thinks) – bearing in mind the sheer volume of the stuff I fail to see how he can KNOW this after 1/2 hour packing clothes. He is vituperative and accuses son #1 of being a thief and the cause of all the problems. I argue that he has no proof of such and that son #1 is worked g, paying rent and generally doing much better
It becomes apparent that he is living somewhere else. Given that he has no income, this means he has found another woman to live off.
he takes the things he has collected, two suitcases worth and a few jackets / suits. He leaves.
I am devastated.
I knew this day would come and mentally I have been trying to prepare for it. I knew it would hurt, and it does. I am in extreme emotional distress. I know this is illogical. I ended the relationship. I am clearly happier without him. My children are happier without him. But I once loved him so much, and had such trust and belief in the future. It’s bloody painful to have been replaced so quickly. Inevitable, but bloody painful.
Instinctively, my poor addled hurt soul starts thinking about what I can ‘take’ to get through this pain. And of course there is nothing. I have to face this without alcohol, or any other mind altering substance. I have to live through it, process it and recover from it. Just to be safe, I have bailed out of a planned trip to the pub to see friends – I don’t trust myself in a pub tonight. This is the closet I have felt to “fuck sobriety, I need alcohol” since I quit.
I am also really really really fucking angry again. I feel like I have been completely and utterly used. I am using that anger to get him OUT. I have told him I will start to get his stuff out on January 1st. And I will. I will eBay anything that potentially has value and the rest – to the dump.
And I am sad, tearful and heartbroken.
but I WILL NOT DRINK, I will not let him break me.