This morning I woke to find two text messages from my Ex husband. They were extremely abusive, calling me a “c*nt” and various other choice phrases. The texts said that our children had told him “what I had been doing” ….They were sent at 3am.
to say I was surprised is a massive understatement. My Ex-husband and I separated on August 9th 2010. I was granted a decree absolute on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour in an uncontested divorce, on April 5th 2011. My ex-husband was/is a drug Addict; a non recovered, fully operational drug addict, who knew no limits to his drug taking when we were married and created a chaotic frightening landscape in our family home. I tried extremely hard to “make” the marriage work, and had previously reconciled with him following a 6 month separation in 2007, because I believed in my marriage vows and in a second chance.
The night he went out and got incoherently drunk / drugged in central London with our 11 year old son, was the night I had had enough.
Having said this, he is my children’s father. He adopted son #1 and has always treated the children exactly the same. We live about a mile apart and he has seen the children once a week (on a Saturday) since the divorce. He does not have them overnight, does not take them for weekends away and struggles somewhat with doing stuff. 95% of childcare, all the decision making, organisation and responsibility for raising the children has fallen on my shoulders.
I have tried hard not to run him down to the children. I am civil to him and I would have said our relationship was cordial and reasonably constructive.
until this morning.
I have quite literally no idea what set this off, and at first I was so shocked I wondered if his account had been hacked. But no, when I called him I got a huge tirade of abuse which apparently relates to me having a relationship with my ExP: “putting my c*** before my children”, allowing ex P to bully the children and basically being the devil incarnate.
i don’t know if he’s ill, or been taking drugs or what, but it’s really horrible being on the receiving end of a vituperative, vindictive tirade of abuse, the purpose of which seems to be to underline just exactly how shit a person I am, how rubbish all my efforts to be a decent parent are and how I deserve every bad thing going.
Ive just spent the last 6 months or longer trying to convince myself I’m not THAT bad, that perhaps everything is not my fault…but clearly I haven’t succeeded as I feel completely blindsided by this; desperately upset and uncertain how to react.
A BIG part of me thinks I deserve it, that deep down I am horrible, evil and that I deserve every single hateful word and the opprobrium of the whole world on my head. That is how I FEEL. And that, I think, is the problem.
what I should feel (I know) is a huge amount af righteous indignation and conviction that have done the best that I could …
what I have done is reply, saying that this is out of order and I won’t listen to any more. Then I blocked his number, gathered up my children and the dogs and went to the Park for 2 hours.
And now? Now I’m bewildered, anxious, upset, angry, flustered and unhappy. I feel as though I must be a really horrible person, to provoke such an attck from nowhere. And I feel very sad.