This is what I’m doing.
What do I want? What do I need? What sustains me? What drains my energy?
Now this process could have begun a long time ago as it does for many people (most people) but people with addiction issues run away from some of life’s difficult decisions and hide Ina glass / bottle / cocktail. So now I’m sober – 383 days sober,I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago – and looking st myself.
What do I see
I see a woman who is vulnerable. I see a woman who has a cyclothymic personality – i.e. Very up and down. I see a woman who is loyal , honest, kind and generous. I see a woman who feels passionately and is struggling to deal with the emotions generated by ‘normal life’. I see a woman who has raft of insecurities about her weight and body image, but also about her past choices , her parenting, her relationships.
I’m beginning to look at my part in the breakdown of my marriage; how my personality and actions impacted on my family. I’m Not blaming myself at all, but I’m looking at my traits which allowed me to give a man I was afraid of and no longer loved back into my and my children’s home.
Why do I find it so hard to enforce and stick to the boundaries I believe to be right . …
This is an interesting question. I don’t yet know why, where this enormous fear of abandonment comes from
Because at the bottom of all this mess is that basic problem. I’m like a child, terrified of abandonment.