Dry Drunks

You know that person who doesn’t drink, but comments all the time on what you are drinking, inspects the wine bottle, suggest what you should order, tuts if you order another glass pf wine and speculates regularly about who has an alcohol problem?

That’s a dry drunk… dry, but still thinking about it ALL THE TIME

I hate and fear the idea that This could be my future…My ex husband is obsessed with drug and drug dependency and being clean (he is NOT) and who takes drugs, or took drugs, or is clean from drugs… on the odd occasions he was abstinent from substances he talked about it ALL the time… and he still does ( to the kids).  He is a “dry drunk”

I read this article  and it resonated so strongly with me… For several months I didn’t think about alcohol all the time, or even very much … but I am right now and I absolutely HATE it.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/health/discovered-dry-drunk-could-one/

I have talked to my friend K and to me exP about my drinking. Both accept my decision that I cant drink, although both I think don’t really ‘get’ how bad it made me feel, or how afraid I am of that impulsive behavior and how hard it was / would be for me to drink  ‘moderately’.

I totally understand that bit

A top addiction expert once explained to me that I suffer from Multi Impulsive Disorder.  This basically means I have no self-control, so if I control one bit of my life, it spills out somewhere else.

oh yes… I really ‘get’ this bit….

and another pull towards my former partner is that being with him makes me feel less ‘lost’ less out of control, more balanced and “straight” …being with him settles my desperately disordered body image / eating patterns; my compulsive financial behaviour be it spending or saving; …. he makes me feel less like a dry drunk …

I hate this.

 

 


5 comments

  1. The general consensus is that a dry drunk is someone who generally exhibits the same type of characteristics they did when drinking, but aren’t drinking – i.e. irritable, discontented, manipulative, angry, etc. The only difference between the two is that one is no longer drinking. Hence the emotional sobriety part. For me to not gravitate towards the drink, I had to make changes (big ones!) in my outlook, my mental / spiritual /emotional health and all that jazz. The things I used to do in my drinking days (the lying, cheating, stealing, etc.) is now reprehensible to me. What a change! And that’s the shift. If I were to be in my still warped way of viewing things, I would be a cranky person for sure!

    Your future need not be of the dry manner! Many ways to that emotional sobriety. I know you can do it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You don’t strike me as a dry drunk…you are very aware and articulate.
    Perhaps you are worrying a bit about the future. Try to enjoy your peace of mind today. We can’t guess what tomorrow brings.

    Keep being gentle and kind to yourself. You may be surprised just how a,axing you are.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Lily there is such a disconnect between your previous posts and the last two about Ex-P. Do you really think “….. being with him makes me feel less ‘lost’ less out of control, more balanced and “straight” …being with him settles my desperately disordered body image / eating patterns; my compulsive financial behaviour be it spending or saving; …. he makes me feel less like a dry drunk …”

    I think – like alcohol – he convinces you through manipulation that he does those things. I think your life was anything BUT that when you were with him. Alcohol does the same thing. “Oh come back to me, I wasn’t so bad.” It is ironic you are hearing the siren call of them both at the same time. You need to feel balanced and more straight from within not from Ex-P or alcohol. They are both the same thing and a lose-lose in my opinion. BUT only you can say. ( It is really not my place to say this but wanted to give you some other perspective from the outside). I know you will make the right choices for you.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. What behavior of his makes you feel less harsh about yourself? Is it possible to change the “he” in those words to “I”? Being sober allows us a great opportunity to look at what we can do for ourselves. To become the kind of person we love to be around. Hang in there.

    Like


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