Tomorrow we will have to leave to return home. It’s probably time, there are things waiting for me there, but I feel a deep sense of contentment here and a reluctance to leave that behind.
It’s quite hard to know Exactly why I feel so peaceful here. There is something about the general “being on holiday” which applies anywhere when one doesn’t have to go to work; there is something about a different house / place where it’s ultimately not my responsibility to maintain it / keep it clean … . But there is more.. the rhythm of the tide governs life here, the relentless rise and fall dictates the weather, where you can go, what you can do, how easy it is to swim or fish… the tide tables are consulted several times each day to calculate when it will be best to leave the island, which quay the boat can use, when it will be best to swim, paint or paddle. I find this simplicity and predictability soothing, as though something bigger than me is in control. Something I can neither influence nor fight against is going on, shaping my world.
I have also forgotten about time. It doesn’t really matter here what the actual time is … it matters wheather the tide is high or low, it matters where the sun is, but whether it’s 2 or 4 is largely irrelevant. The days slip by in a lugubrious haze, melding together, as we do what exactly ? Potter about, meet up, eat, shop, walk, swim, paint , sketch and read .. and then it’s the last day, the last evening, the last night in my sea facing bright bedroom, and tomorrow real life pushes and winds tentacles around me again ….
I hope, think, I am renewed .. refreshed and replenished … ready ….
That’s my second sober holiday negotiated. I did miss the drinking, but I am pleased beyond measure that I didn’t drink….. I wonder if I will ever not miss drinking ? I wonder if I will ever feel that I am completely content with alcohol free beer ? I AM reasonably content with it… it fulfills most of the functions of real beer … just not the “confidence giving” function, which is when I reflect, what I really miss … hey ho .. A clear head every morning is a decided bonus !