Peace: space: contentment 

Tomorrow we will have to leave to return home. It’s probably time, there are things waiting for me there, but I feel a deep sense of contentment here and a reluctance to leave that behind.  

It’s quite hard to know Exactly why I feel so peaceful here. There is something about the general “being on holiday” which applies anywhere when one doesn’t have to go to work; there is something about a different house / place where it’s ultimately not my responsibility to maintain it / keep it clean … . But there is more.. the rhythm of the tide governs life here, the relentless rise and fall dictates the weather, where you can go, what you can do, how easy it is to swim or fish… the tide tables are consulted several times each day to calculate when it will be best to leave the island, which quay the boat can use, when it will be best to swim, paint or paddle. I find this simplicity and predictability soothing, as though something bigger than me is in control. Something I can neither influence nor fight against is going on, shaping my world. 

I have also forgotten about time. It doesn’t really matter here what the actual time is … it matters wheather the tide is high or low, it matters where the sun is, but whether it’s 2 or 4 is largely irrelevant. The days slip by in a lugubrious haze, melding together, as we do what exactly ? Potter about, meet up, eat, shop, walk, swim, paint , sketch and read .. and then it’s the last day, the last evening, the last night in my sea facing bright bedroom, and tomorrow real life pushes and winds tentacles around me again ….

I hope, think, I am renewed .. refreshed and replenished … ready …. 

That’s my second sober holiday negotiated. I did miss the drinking, but I am pleased beyond measure that I didn’t drink….. I wonder if I will ever not miss drinking ? I wonder if I will ever feel that I am completely content with alcohol free beer ? I AM reasonably content with it… it fulfills most of the functions of real beer … just not the “confidence giving” function, which is when I reflect, what I really miss … hey ho .. A clear head every morning is a decided bonus ! 


6 comments

  1. Perfect holiday. I could smell the salt air, and hear the surf breaking on the sand. Mother Nature vs Alcohol…no comparison…Congratulations on winning the battle! Loved your painting, too!

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  2. Reading this was like taking a mini-vacation. I could feel the timelessness, hear the waves. I found the idea of sketching and painting interesting. It sound like something out of an 18th century novel. I think that’s what’s missing from my life now … something artistic. I’ll work on that today.
    Thanks for the virtual escape. ❤️

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  3. I am pleased you feel ready – you sound calm and measured. Keep this with you Lily as you get back to the day to day. You can do this. Tori xxx

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  4. Yes, I believe you will reach that point where you do NOT miss drinking. The thought of it today turns my stomach. I never want to feel that false sense of “bravado” again. You will become so content with a sober life that you will never even think of disrupting it with booze. Congrats on TWO years! That feeling that you’re feeling on holiday? It’s called serenity. Now you KNOW you can have it without a drink.

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  5. It took some time for me to gain the confidence that I lacked without the booze, but it did come. Now I’m the crazy lady on the dance floor -up before anyone else because I don’t need to wait to feel good. It’ll come. And there’s always the morning after being so grateful not to have hangovers!

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