It’s been a tough week.
Ive spend most of this weekend just incapacitated with inertia and fatigue. I’m just tired.
Last week was very full of heightened emotion. I felt like raw , naked and so so vulnerable. I had a panic attack in central London, struggled hugely to focus on Pretty much anything and just feel exhausted.
I’m just so tired of it all being so hard.
I know the recognition, naming and acceptance of the domestic abuse in this house has been essential. I know it had to happen. I know that I have to talk to my boys, listen to them and acknowledge what they have been through. I know I have to absorb some anger from them that I failed to stop this earlier. I really really know that if I don’t do that, it will come back to ‘interfere’ in all of our futures. But my goodness it’s tiring.
I know it doesn’t have to happen all at once, and we (well I ) try to set aside a small block of time once a week to talk about “stuff” , but In between I still have to process this.
And processing is tiring.
The hyper emotional state seems to have largely passed this weekend, I’m just exhausted.
But, the younger dog, who’s behaviour was giving such cause for concern , has gone away to be retrained. I miss him, and his unfettered adoration, but it’s less stressful and I’m less worried that he will bite someone.
Older son goes away for wilderness therapy trip in 4 weeks. Counting the days to be honest. So there is light. And it will be ok,