Why do I never expect this?

Yesterday I went with son #1 to Scotland for him to start this Wilderness therapy programme. I am so pleased I went, although the day was exhausting – left home at 5am, returned at 11pm.

Those who gave read some of my posts about my son will know how difficult the last couple of years have been. In truth I have been counting the days till he went …

But now he is not here – and has no phone / internet access for 3 weeks …. I feel crap. I miss him, I'm afraid for him, I want to give him a hug… I want to know he's ok…

I seem to be finding it hard to let go

I'm grieving. I feel agoraphobic, diminished, small, lonely and scared.

Sigh. I expect this too will pass, but it's really not very nice right now.


  1. Noticing that you are grieving is huge. I think it’s a necessity.
    It’s like when they were toddlers and they were driving you crazy and wouldn’t go to bed…but when they finally did I would sneak in and watch them sleep.
    They are made from our heart.

    Big hug. You are an awesome mom. Try to focus on you. Son #1 is having his own adventure.

    Love to you

    Liked by 1 person

    • I spoke to the therapist in charge yesterday who is going to join the group at the weekend. This was helpful, although of course he couldn’t say much – it being only 2 days in! I’ve settled quite a lot , and feel better today – and they will update me next week … thank you πŸ’–πŸŒ·

      Liked by 1 person

      • I also think that these counselor are experts in making kids feel like they are part of a group and that they should be proud of what they do there. It was awe-inspiring just to get them off the internet and see how well they adjusted into such a peaceful existence. And they end up feeling like wilderness experts, naming trees and knowing how to make a campfire in emergencies.

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      • I hope and pray that it boosts his self esteem, and develops self confidence in a way that directs him to maximising his potential. Its a big ask for a 3 week trip, but if, at least, the seeds are sewn …

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      • Three weeks can be life changing because the kids are so out of their element. It’s like they can remold them, somehow. It’s such a gift, no matter how “rugged” it seems in the beginning. Can’t wait to hear how it works out! πŸ’•


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