A new perspective

Last night I spent the evening with my closest friend K. She has been there through the last 10+ years and offered no judgemental support and reflection for me. Ironically I was introduced to K and her husband J by my ex husband, and they have become my staunchest and kindest supporters despite my marriage breakdown.

K has always been perceptive, and last night she presented to me an “outsiders view” … of me and my situation. She picked the right time to do this. I’m definitely feeling more positive at the moment- I feel that I’m finally moving on and putting the past behind me.

Right now I don’t look at my last relationship as I was doing. I don’t feel the same. I was feeling that it would be impossible for me to care for anyone else as I had cared for him. That I literally could not conceive of loving someone else as I once loved him.

This feeling has been hard to shake off, and has taken me back again and again, to see if anything had changed. Hoping I guess that something would have shifted in his thinking so that we could, I could, try again. It didn’t happen, and I seem to have at last been able to accept this. The overwhelming problems are just not surmountable , and actually I’m not even sure I would WANT to overcome them.

Simultaneously the single life suddenly seems to have more possibilities … the inertia and ennui that has dogged me for months seems to be lifting, I can feel energy coming back; energy and purpose …

so, yesterday K outlined to me how an outsider might look at me. She pointed out that I have a nice house and comfortable home, that I have earned. That it has been my industry that has created this, with no financial support from any other person. She reminded me that I am not just a doctor, but one of a small number of partners running a large successful practice with more than 100 employees and 26,000 patients. That I look well, am resourceful and determined; that I am kind, loyal and honest.. in short she was trying to get me to see that an outsider could see me as ‘a catch’… that I should not sell myself short. That I should stand up and be proud of what I have achieved ….and that I am worth much much more than being put down by some bloke.

I think she has tried to say this to me before, but I’ve not been able to hear and believe it.

Yesterday I heard it, and whilst I Wouldn’t say I 100% believed It… as in “felt” it, I can see that technically she is correct, and perhaps I should raise my expectations …

This is a work in progress . Slow going. And I’m in no hurry to meet anyone at all right now … but …. food for thought


  1. I like K too! It’s so weird how we can get so caught up in our heads with all of our stuff and use that to negate ourselves. To focus on all of the things that we think are negative about our lives and personalities and forget that others may, and usually do, see us very differently. Why is it such a challenge for so many of us to see the positive things we have to offer-to acknowledge our achievements?
    I agree with Ann-You are awesome!

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  2. I remember someone telling me that I was a catch and including not drinking as part of my appeal. I looked at her like she had three heads. How could that be positive? I couldn’t have a drink like everyone else. She looked at me in the same way. You don’t need to get drunk to have fun she said. I believe her now. You sound like a catch πŸ˜€

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