Growing up

I have written a couple of posts about my eldest son before. The most recent is Here. And there is a link on that post to the one before…

This is the update after he has been living and working in Nepal for almost 5 months, and we have just spent a week travelling together.

If I say he is wonderful, it would not be an over exaggeration of my feelings. After all that has happened, all the tears and heartache, the soul searching, self blame and despair … he is just amazing. Not the finished article (are we ever?) but …

He has matured beyond recognition. He is confident, resourceful and capable. He is more organised than I could possibly have imagined he could be. He is thoughtful, kind and considerate of others. He is curious about the world around him, the people he meets and the situations he encounters.

He has a plan. He has drive, he has I believe the commitment and dedication needed to make a success – if not of this initial plan (because there are many logistical unknowns at the moment) then of another …

Travelling together has been fun, we have had a laugh; and it has felt more like companions than mother and child. He is much better at haggling than I, so he does it… when I was ill, he took care of me, we have discussed plans together, as equals and made decisions together, as equals. I love this !

We have also talked and talked and talked. About his biological origins – and his feelings about this; about his early childhood experiences with my ex husband; about my Ex Partner and the effect of his emotional bullying. We talked about Son1’s past behaviours – his persistent theft and stealing, about the “wrong crowd” he got into, about what this taught him. The opportunity to share this, listen to one another, apologise, understand, forgive …. oh so truly wonderful ..

There will be more, that we both reflect on, once the holiday is ended… but the framework for a longstanding positive adult relationship is secure, and that’s a powerful, enduring, precious gift.

How lucky I am 😊


5 comments

  1. This is so wonderful to read Lily. As someone who has been in those same places with my boy, and reached a place where we have such a brilliant relationship, leaving the dark days behind us, I can really feel your joy and relief. When things were bad I could never imagine either he and I having such a bond again, or more importantly him ever being the happy, confident person again that he’d been as a child. Both have happened in abundance after 7 or 8 long terrifying years and I’m grateful every day. I’m very happy for you Lily x

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  2. And it’s not just luck, as my husband likes to remind me. You’ve put the work in, kept the faith and continued to love him even though it wasn’t always the easiest thing to do. You deserve this x

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