I don’t know what to do.

I seem to have hit another emotional crisis. I do not know why, but I feel dreadful. I’m anxious, I’ve lost my appetite (a sure sign of emotional destabilisation) I’m struggling to function. I can’t sleep, I’m ruminating and my concentration is shot to pieces.

I feel on the edge of a panic attack several times a day. So far, it has not materialised. But work is piling up because I can’t attend to it, the house is a mess, my friends are neglected and I’m really really anxious.

I have no idea why. And worse no idea what to do. I cannot cope, but I have to.


  1. Breathe, relax, drink water. That is all you need to do for now.

    Panick attacks come, they also go. Or in other words: this too shall pass.

    When you find yourself breathing, relaxing, drinking water, you might want to take a peek around the corner of your (sub)consciousness to find out what’s going on in the dark. Possibly write about it? If not, not. 🙂

    It is not strange that these attacks pop up, a lot of people have them. The key thing to sobriety is to learn how to deal with them in a non-destructive way. Maybe ask yourself: what would a woman who loves herself do? Guessing that is the theme of the day. 😉

    Sending hugs and love,

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  2. Hey Lily, I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this right now. Your situation reminds me of a quote from Freud: “I think this (wo)man is suffering from memories.”

    It seems like you’re coming to terms–really, truly, and fully–about the reality of your ExP. Having another woman out there who could confirm that you weren’t just “crazy” and that your experience of him is valid seems to have been empowering, but also really painful. When I’ve been in similar situations of remembering the pain caused me by ex-partners, I would go into a tailspin trying to figure out where things went wrong, wondering why I didn’t see the person for who he *really* was, questioning my own judgment and ability to trust another human being ever again.

    But that’s the thing about the type of emotional abuse people like you and I have suffered: it is insidious, so much so that it’s hard to even call it what it really is until the relationship is long gone, and the damage can be extensive. It can make use question our own memories, our judgment, our personal sense of strength, our self-esteem, etc. You were with this man for a long time and it seems that he caught you the way many abuser “catch” their victims: by starting off sweet, romantic, lovely and kind, and slowly devolving into something horrid, chipping away at your self-confidence, making you question yourself or whether the situation is “really as bad as it seems”.

    The panic and the despair and whatever else you’re feeling right now is real and, even though it’s horrid to go through, I’d say it’s a normal part of the process of reorganizing your life and moving forward. You can get through this. You’re stronger than you know ❤

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  3. Breathe and take each step at a time. Don’t think any further than the next thing. One of my best coping tactics I picked up in AA. Bigger picture doesn’t matter right now. You will get through this, but take it slowly and easily. Focus on the little things. A small walk in the cold air. A warm cup of tea. Curling up with a blanket and crying, or staring at the wall. Just be. Just be kind! xxx


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