Here I am again. This is the third year my family, my brothers family and my mother have come to Center parcs for a long weekend in April. The s is the third year I will be doing it sober.
The first year I hadn’t told anyone I was not drinking. I was about a month sober and although the acute withdrawal symptoms had settled, I was very vulnerable scared and apprehensive. My not drinking at communal meals passed without question, although given my usual Propensity to drink a LOT with any excuse, I doubt it passed unnoticed. My exP was with us, and once again, out of the house he was protective and solicitous – sitting next to me, holding my hand in encouragement, at the end of the break he was angry, wanted to leave and created a bit of a bad situation by demanding we left earlier than planned.
Last year, just the boys and I came, and it was a much more relaxed weekend. We knew what to do and how to get the most out of the activities. We knew where things were, and of course I was much further along in my recovery which enabled me to be much more relaxed and open at group dinners.
And now? Now I feel GOOD! Now I feel I can really enter into the spirit of the thing and be fully present. This afternoon I am going pottery painting with my sister in law and my two nieces, some female company and I really enjoy spending time with them. As young women they are full of fun, very technically up to date – last year they tried to teach me to use snapchat- and very lovely. I have a spa with my mother tomorrow, contemplating telling her I’ve been to AA, and lots of other activities booked. All good, and all wholesome !
I have a really positive vibe right now, since I have made connections. I haven’t really known what has been wrong the last long glum humdrum weeks. I had begun to think that was as good as it got; better than my life drinking and with ExP, but somehow drab and bleak. It was RL connections I was missing and I am so grateful and pleased to have taken the plunge and been so rewarded 🙂🙂🙂