Today I have not gone to work.
This is very unlike me. I am not unwell. A meeting I was supposed to attend was cancelled and I am emotionally drained. Physically I’m tired and I have noticed that I have felt quite irritable that last couple of days.
I have no patients booked to see me, and nothing that will inconvenience anyone else if I don’t do it today; but I do have a lot of work todo.
So I got up and dressed as usual, took son 2 to school and as I was heading to work the message came that the meeting was cancelled. I went home. And I’ve stayed here.
I felt “naughty’, guilty, & ashamed … initially. And then I caught myself, and started a different thought process. Along the lines of, “I work very hard in an emotionally taxing and draining job, I have a number of very stressful emotional issues of my own (think sobriety, connection, compassion) and I’m caring for a mentally unwell teenager. Give yourself a break… others would feel compassionate toward me if I shared this, and i would definitely be compassionate to another in this situation; it’s ok to be overwhelmed, it’s ok to feel worn out and it’s ok to take a day for yourself”
So I have.
And I have done a little work at home, but mostly I have blogged, listened to Brené on audible and made burnt caramel and chocolate ice cream in my new ice cream maker
I feel calmer, more composed and better able to deal with the rest of the week.
I think that’s ok.