Its a glorious day in the SE UK; sunny, warm and calm… and its  a pretty good day for me too .

Yesterday I rewrote  a post about resentment and anger that I was going to finish today, but you know what, its such a beautiful day I thought I would write a totally spontaneous piece about the GOOD things in my life

  1. I have set up a little office /desk space in my bedroom – you can see it below. I used a table from the boys den that they don’t really need and a chair from the same place. Its not huge but its MY space and I have my laptop, some books, my candle and a desk light. In due course I might put a shelf up too. My bedroom is at the top of the house, you can see the light from one of the skylights falling in… I’m very happy with my new space.
  2. I met D this morning for a coffee. We met only last week, but I feel close to her already. She is earlier in her sobriety than I, but doing really well.

I love meetings , but I love meeting people who “get it” on a one to one basis too, and for me that’s one of the best things about AA, a room full of women who get it! I felt really happy after that coffee, accepted for just me 🙂 I hope we will see do it again.

3. A lot of my anguish about my patient has settled. Yesterday’s heart felt dump on the blog, and talking with D helped me realise that it’s mostly Shame that’s stalking me. I’m ashamed that I have done something wrong (colluding with the psychotropic medication changes) in the scheme of things it’s a little wrong, a small thing- but perfectionism is one of my big failings, and I have been less than perfect , and worse, other people know!

4. I have found myself a sponsor I think. I have met this lady a few times, and having thought about it quite a lot – about what I would like from AA, I decided that ‘doing the steps’ would be a useful and probably revealing exercise. After Anne’s recommendation I bought the ‘women’s guide to the 12 steps’ by Stephanie Covington (and the workbook) I think a sponsor to help me along would be a good idea. The woman I have asked is also a mother, works in a high pressure job and seems not TOO evangelical about the whole thing ! We will see, but I’m Comfortable with that decision so far.

5. My poor stressed anxious son2 is talking to me fractionally more. Just a little bit, but it’s progress. Yesterday evening we had 10 mins together , the three of us, playing badminton in the garden. It was fun and I’m holding on to that positive.

6. I’m having my hair cut and the Grey dyed out today !

7. Son 3 and I made a conscious decision to try and eat better – we started about 2 weeks ago. Nothing too extreme, just increasing our vegetable intake, limiting white flour and sugar and cooking together from scratch every evening. He has been really enthusiastic and positive – and has tried several things he would previously have rejected. I feel like , at last, I’m setting a good example on the nutrition front.

8. I clipped the dog ! She’s a collie and this hot weather is not much fun for a black and white fur ball .. the dog groomer we used to use has closed down, so I did it myself 🙂

9. Son1 has sorted out his visa problem in Vietnam (not the country to piss about with visa’s) I managed to send money to him via western union (his bank card was stolen / lost) and he’s now in Ho Chi Min city for a few days before leaving for Cambodia. He will be home soon which is SO exciting !

10. I am SOBER. Still bloody sober. 789 days sober. And clear headed and GETTING THERE. What a gift and a recurring joy to wake every morning with no hangover, intact memory and no messy behaviour to be ashamed off. That should be number one really !

So I hope everyone else is having a good day, that’s my gratitude list for Tuesday and right now I’m feeling optimistic, enthusiastic and positive



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