Ok. so I’ve decided to go with the AA programme and work the 12 steps.

So I needed a sponsor. As many of you will know, women sponsor women so that was a good start. In the same way that I looked for a therapist with certain characteristics, I wanted (or more specifically did NOT want) certain characteristics in a sponsor….

  • I wanted a woman of roughly my age or older
  • A parent
  • kind
  • not too dogmatic about ” this being the only way” … or demanding about what I must do eg 90 meetings in 90 days ….

So, after quite a lot of thought I contacted a woman who I actually met at the second meeting I ever attended. Im going to refer to her as ‘S’ (for sponsor) on this blog, as I imagine she will appear occasionally (! ) and using this initial distinguishes her from all the other people who appear under their (real) initials…

I had absolutely NO idea how I thought this would proceed. After I sent her a message asking her if she would be prepared to sponsor me, and she accepted – what next? Fortunately she seems to know what to do, and we met at a mutually convenient time. We agreed we would do this most weeks, same time, same place for the foreseeable future ( I like this predictability so that pleased me)

She told me a little more about her background, it was very interesting to me because she grew up in an abusive home. She ‘gets’ the cycle of abuse and understands why women don’t necessarily leave. I hadn’t known that but I was grateful to her for sharing that with me.

And then we worked ! We read some stuff, and discussed what we read. We looked at a pretty terrifying ‘addiction and recovery’Β  graph and I was truly horrified to realise how far down the slop I had progressed. (But then cheered to see how far UP the other side I have come in the last 26 months) She asked me to buy a book , and set me some ‘homework’.

I found it quite tiring but I left feeling good. Uplifted and positive. Less apprehensive and very very determined to do this once, do it right, andΒ  shore up my recovery. To stay long term sober and never ever relapse.

I think Im at middle recovery right now. I have successfully stopped drinking, and maintained that for a while, BUT …. there is more, I know there is more around working through other emotional issues, addictive type behaviours (food and spending) codependency and acceptance of myself.

Wish me luck



  1. I’ve never seen this chart. Thank you! I’m going to pass that along to some early sobriety friends. I’ve had three sponsors, and they were all wonderful in their own ways. I never go to Starbucks without looking to see if some women are sitting at a table by themselves, going through the Big Book, like we used to. I miss it!

    I had to fight my inner control freak and brat when it came to listening to my sponsor. I would often get a little passive aggressive because what they asked me to do was out of my comfort zone. (Example: Show up to a meeting 15 minutes early and leave 15 minutes late.) I would USE this defiance as a reason to build up to a relapse. Then again, anything worked for a relapse in those days.

    Good luck! πŸ’•

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