Bloody shoes.

Son one wants me to buy him shoes. Not just any shoes but shoes that cost 2500 Rand. That’s about $200 or £160.

I’m not willing to do this. Despite the fact that he says these shoes are cheaper in SA than the U.K.

if (and it is still if) he goes to college in September (full time) I am willing to support him for the basics… but if he wants shoes for that price he can get a blinking job and pay for them himself.

And that is final.

He is most seriously displeased.

But… I don’t care. And this is huge progress. I no longer feel afraid that I will lose him if I don’t do what he wants, instead I feel free to act as I think best. And he is 19, full of talk about earning …. but it is just talk. So tough love, no shoes until he can pay for them himself …


  1. I don’t see my grankids often; we live nearly 1000 miles apart. I took my first road trip alone just to see them. My youngest needed/wanted a new pair of athletic shoes to start school. I was overjoyed to take him to the mall. He quickly spotted a camo print nike on the wall array and kept coming back to it. The price was on the sole…$110.00. Finally, after trying on several other acceptable shoes which did not bring the same twinkle to his eyes, I said, “Lets get the camo pair. ” He had a disturbed look on his face. “But grandma, they are so expensive.” He was genuinely concerned. He needn’t have been. If they were twice as much I would have bought them, I am a grandma who is fortunate enough to not have to worry about money in life’s last stage. At that moment I wanted to hug him for his genuine concern for me, and his mom for teaching him to think about others. Being a grandma is different from being a parent though. Your kids are so blessed to have you as a mom!

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