Nice round numbers today 🙂
Today is my 900th day of sobriety. Oh YEAH ! NINE HUNDRED DAYS. That’s 128 weeks and 4 days, or 29 months and seventeen days, or two YEARS five months and 17 days …. I probably should count it in 5 minute gaps considering that’s how often I thought about i at the beginning..
I’m pretty proud of that. Not one single alcoholic drink in all that time… and look how my confidence is returning and my self esteem improving. It isn’t all (directly) to do with abstinence, but the courage to make the changes that I needed to DID all come from the initial honesty with myself that I needed to stop numbing all my emotions, and just stop drinking.
I am conscious of the risk of relapse. Not that it feels big at the moment, but that its there… always there, waiting to catch me off guard and convince me that ‘just one wont hurt’. Or worse, “you’ve done it now, you’re much better, there no need for you to abstain any longer”… that little voice. I imagine we’ve all heard it, and sometimes its louder than others. I call it the Devil, or sometimes the wine witch (although that sounds too cutesy for the destruction that this inner demon is ready to wreak), and it looks something like this
I am less afraid of relapse in many ways, I have many tools to help me if I feel vulnerable, and I have almost 2 1/2 years of sober experience to draw on – but I know when I’m vulnerable and I know very well that the path to relapse doesn’t start when you lift the glass to your lips. It starts much earlier than that. I am vulnerable right now. I know it, I’m tired with the stresses of sons 1 & 2, exhausted with pushing to get every little thing done, flat after my wonderful holiday, stirred up my the contact with my ex Partner last week and just generally .. vulnerable.
I haven’t been to a meeting in more than 4 weeks and I haven’t seen my sponsor for that long too. I’ve been lax with my daily reading and gratitude lists and missing my short meditation / prayer sessions – basically I haven’t got back into the good habits I had before my holiday. I must sort these things out this week.
And the 500? This week the five hundredth person signed up to follow my blog. In fact I have 505 followers today. That’s amazing. The little stats thing tells me that this blog has been read all over the world from the Philippines to Haiti, in Africa and Australia, by more than 12,500 separate people. I’m so grateful to all those people, and especially to every one who has written a kind or generous comment and supported me on this journey.
So THANK YOU. and if one person has got something out of the thousands of words I have written, than I’m very pleased with that indeed.