900 / 500

Nice round numbers today πŸ™‚

Today is my 900th day of sobriety. Oh YEAH ! NINE HUNDRED DAYS. That’s 128 weeks and 4 days, or 29 months and seventeen days, or two YEARS five months and 17 days …. I probably should count it in 5 minute gaps considering that’s how often I thought about i at the beginning..

I’m pretty proud of that. Not one single alcoholic drink in all that time… and look how my confidenceΒ  is returning and my self esteem improving. It isn’t all (directly) to do with abstinence, but the courage to make the changes that I needed to DID all come from the initial honesty with myself that I needed to stop numbing all my emotions, and just stop drinking.

I am conscious of the risk of relapse. Not that it feels big at the moment, but that its there… always there, waiting to catch me off guard and convince me that ‘just one wont hurt’. Or worse, “you’ve done it now, you’re much better, there no need for you to abstain any longer”… that little voice. I imagine we’ve all heard it, and sometimes its louder than others. I call it the Devil, or sometimes the wine witch (although that sounds too cutesy for the destruction that this inner demon is ready to wreak), and it looks something like this

devil

I am less afraid of relapse in many ways, I have many tools to help me if I feel vulnerable, and I have almost 2 1/2 years of sober experience to draw on – but I know when I’m vulnerable and I know very well that the path to relapse doesn’t start when you lift the glass to your lips. It starts much earlier than that.Β  I am vulnerable right now. I know it, I’m tired with the stresses of sons 1 & 2, exhausted with pushing to get every little thing done, flat after my wonderful holiday, stirred up my the contact with my ex Partner last week and just generally .. vulnerable.

I haven’t been to a meeting in more than 4 weeks and I haven’t seen my sponsor for that long too. I’ve been lax with my daily reading and gratitude lists and missing my short meditation / prayer sessions – basically I haven’t got back into the good habits I had before my holiday. I must sort these things out this week.

And the 500? This week the five hundredth person signed up to follow my blog. In fact I have 505 followers today. That’s amazing. The little stats thing tells me that this blog has been read all over the world from the Philippines to Haiti, in Africa and Australia, by more than 12,500 separate people. I’m so grateful to all those people, and especially to every one who has written a kind or generous comment and supported me on this journey.

So THANK YOU. and if one person has got something out of the thousands of words I have written, than I’m very pleased with that indeed.

500


9 comments

  1. Think about the magic of influencing the thoughts of tens of thousands of people all over the world. And they’re reading your blog for a reason — your willingness to be so open and honest in the struggle resonates with them.

    I’m glad you posted this because it reminded me to check my days — I know I’m slightly behind you. I have 880 days today.
    Yay you!!! πŸ’•

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sweet! Nice to see the caution flags are up and you seem to see there is a need to follow through on responding. Keep fighting the good fight! Oh… after 8 years of sobriety, the only token I kept is my 90-day, It seems to have cost me the most.

    Like

  3. Congrats on ur sober birthday!! I’m 39 days sober and starting out in the blogging world as part of my recovery. A scary thing happened tonight in my AA meeting that brought me right back down to earth after a good couple of days. Two members sober a year went back out again last week. One is in hospital and the other came back worse for wear. These two kind souls had been so helpful and supportive to me from I got in and I thought they had it sorted. It really show how this insidious disease can just take us by surprise. I’m praying for them both tonight and hope they come back. Looking forward to following ur blog! Sibi xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Sibi, thank you for your support. Alcohol misuse is indeed a cunning illness, and watching folk relapse can be very scary indeed. I hope you are ok. 39 days is great! Well done, it gets easier… just take it one day at a time, keep your guard up and keep remembering that there are no answers in drinking. Very best wishes, Lily 🌷xx

      Liked by 1 person


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