Dullsville

Yesterday I had a day when it seemed that just maybe everything was going to be ok for a while.

Son1 is attending College and remains enthusiastic, Son2 started his new school and despite being beside himself with anxiety prior to my taking him, he called at lunchtime to say it was ‘ok’. Anyone who has or has had a 16 year old son will know this is code for ‘much better than I feared’ … Son 3 is back at school and some stability appeared to be returning..

Sadly not so for long, this morning son3 is at home with tonsillitis, Son2 was back to morning vomiting and panic attacks and I just feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all. I wanted to stay home with my youngest today, I know he’s 13 and ‘can’ stay alone, but he was hot and miserable this morning and I would have liked to have the day with him. But because one partner is off, and there is stuff to do and to take a day off will cause an issue, I went in.

I joined a Facebook group for single mothers who are also doctors. I thought I might meet some nice people. And they are nice, but the group is filled with mothers who have had horribly abusive relationships, and many who are still struggling with divorce and financial wrangling. I just feel incredibly sad now and somehow deflated.

This post is shit too. Not interesting witty or insightful. Just boring. Like me I guess, boring, untrusting, spikey, lonely, introverted and sober

Great πŸ˜”


7 comments

  1. Mine went to school yesterday as well. It is as horrible a place as ever.
    She is home today, as she missed the bus.

    Her severe anxiety is back. I know we will have to come up with something different, or she will be missing more school than she attends.

    Sigh. I hear you.

    Anne

    Like

  2. Hey Lily, well I think your amazing and witty! You have 3 kids to look after, your a Dr with a very heavy stressful workload, your keeping yourself sober and your doing a blog – where the hell do you get the time?? I’ve just missed two days – don’t know where they went – and I’m not too sure how often I should be blogging! But hey, I’m just winging it lol!! Chin up and keep doing what you do best πŸ™‚ Big hugs, Sibi xx

    Like

  3. You are NOT boring. This is everyday life. Sometimes it’s shitty. But you are coping with shitty completely unaltered mentally, which is more than most people manage. Seriously, you are coping magnificently!
    Hope Son 3 feels better asap and Son 2 recovers some calmness. xxx

    Like

  4. First, your post is not shit. I’m relatively sure it will help someone, and isn’t that what matters most? Maybe it’s you that it helps this time, maybe someone else. Sounds like there are some really tough things in your life and it’s difficult to find energy for excitement when that’s going on. You are sober, as someone else said. That is a challenge in and of itself, then add on the stress and… wow! You are doing fantastic! I hope that you can say many nice things to yourself now. Remember the important of self-love on your path ❀

    Like

  5. First you are so not boring. Second this post is not shit…it’s real. You sound like you have so much on your plate and the fact that you are still sober is both huge, inspirational and amazing. Sending all the love x

    Like


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s