Yesterday I had a day when it seemed that just maybe everything was going to be ok for a while.
Son1 is attending College and remains enthusiastic, Son2 started his new school and despite being beside himself with anxiety prior to my taking him, he called at lunchtime to say it was ‘ok’. Anyone who has or has had a 16 year old son will know this is code for ‘much better than I feared’ … Son 3 is back at school and some stability appeared to be returning..
Sadly not so for long, this morning son3 is at home with tonsillitis, Son2 was back to morning vomiting and panic attacks and I just feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all. I wanted to stay home with my youngest today, I know he’s 13 and ‘can’ stay alone, but he was hot and miserable this morning and I would have liked to have the day with him. But because one partner is off, and there is stuff to do and to take a day off will cause an issue, I went in.
I joined a Facebook group for single mothers who are also doctors. I thought I might meet some nice people. And they are nice, but the group is filled with mothers who have had horribly abusive relationships, and many who are still struggling with divorce and financial wrangling. I just feel incredibly sad now and somehow deflated.
This post is shit too. Not interesting witty or insightful. Just boring. Like me I guess, boring, untrusting, spikey, lonely, introverted and sober